Thank God this entry may not take as much effort as others, because I am plum exhausted. After a night of camaraderie involving lots of drunk folks and somehow not ending up worshiping the toilet I still couldn't get a good nights sleep, and so I apologize if the quality of my writing changes or lacks sense. My poor loves, the Wifey (aka Best Friend) and the Boyfriend both had a bit too much, while I had just enough to have a good time, which is very unusual. We still had a good time, but I couldn't sleep out of both worry for my sicklies and my very very cold feet. No fun. So here I am, barely awake, rambling away....
Might as well just get to the point. The five people in my life right now that matter the most would have to be:
1. Michael
2. Serra
3. My mom
4. Michael's parents
5. My brother
In short, the people that are either immediate family or feel like immediate family. That's just what's important to me.
I just can't write anymore, but I feel obligated to add a little something else. "Accurate Candy Wrappers"
And maybe a song. I feel sleepy and silly so here is what you get:
Sweet dreams!
Ha...
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Day 14
A Photo of a Cherished Memory
Hiking To Havasupai
So far this is my greatest accomplishment, and it was accomplished along side some of my favorite people. We missed going again last summer because of the Ramm wedding, and we can't go this summer because there's been so much more flooding since 2009 it's been deemed a natural disaster site and is closed, awaiting funds for repairs. This makes me very sad. I've gone once and it's like a dream now, a very colorful perfect dream. I hope I'll be able to go again someday. The whole trip is my favorite memory. I wish I could go back and relive it.
Day 12/13
Whoops, another slip up. Two day entry again.
So for Day 12, I'm supposed to "bullet" my whole day. I'll do today, because I already can't really remember yesterday, even though today isn't quite over yet.
8:00am: half wake up in groggy state to say goodbye to Michael, since he's started getting up earlier to run/take a walk with his mom. Go back to sleep.
9:30am: Actually wake up, say good morning to cousin Mel, who is probably moving in with us soon. Get in the shower.
10:00am: get dressed and ready slowly for no reason. Skip the makeup, been wearing it too much.
10:40am: Head to Mikey's.
11:15am: Go to breakfast, technically lunch, with the Cooks. Pizza and salad.
1:00pm: Back to Mikeys, grab some stuff and head to the mall at 1:15.
1:30pm: Sit outside of the mall while Michael learns army stuff. Write and listen to music.
2:15pm: Leave mall and go to Penetration Demographics.
2:30pm: Watch Bri get tattooed and hang out with the artists for a while till we get hungry.
4:40pm: Go to Typhoon, buy my artist some food and bring it back. The two ladies who work there are hardcore Thai and make us laugh with their broken English.
5:00pm: Eat outside of Penetration. A man on a bike goes by, rings his bell and exclaims "Dinner Time!"
5:45pm: Bri's outline is finished. We wait around talking for a while, decide to go to Bri's, but not before getting snacks at Fry's.
6:45pm: Get to Bri's. Smoke hookah. Talk to people who come and go. Get music from Katherine.
10:10pm: Leave Bri's, back to Mikey's.
Now it's 11:30; I'm blogging, Mikey is playing some military related game. Bleh. I'm hoping to play some Fable 3 before bed but we'll probably be calling it a day relatively soon.
Anyway, that was fairly unnecessary. On to Day 13!
Somewhere You'd Like To Move Or Visit
Well if you know me at all you know how much I love Japan and all things Japanese. I need to go there at some time in my life. I'm kinda hoping Mikey will take me someday with his super awesome military fly-for-free-or-almost-free status. *wink wink nudge nudge* How sweet would that be? Pretty fuckin' sweet, because otherwise flying to Japan one way alone is like over a thousand dollars, money I do not have lying around to spend on a trip, or else I'd go tomorrow.
I don't want to go to Tokyo. I don't wanna be stereotypical about it in the least bit. I'd have a damn heart attack and get killed by a bicyclist simultaneously for sure. Tokyo scares me, though it's tempting just to witness all of the culture, or how they've westernized themselves, I should say. I want to see people dressed up in Cosplay, also. But I absolutely have to go to the Ghibli/Miyazaki Museum. There are short films and other fun stuff to enjoy.
There's a short film based on Totoro about Mei and a Catbus Kitten. It's nowhere to be found on the internet because you can only see it at the museum. It's killing me. All I can find are pictures like this one:
I want to see the crazy city things, especially the vending machines. They have everything in vending machines, down to really weird stuff like pre-worn panties. The Japanese are weird, just don't ask. All I know is I have to see some of it. But I also want to see the more peaceful traditional side of Japan, like gardens and castles.
It's going to be the most epic trip of my life. I may have to spend a month there just to see as much as I want to see. If you know where to look, there are some really cheap decent quality places to stay. But I mean, if I end up saving money on just getting there I might splurge a little, because I don't think I can sleep in a claustrophobic hidey hole cubby thing, like they have here and there. It's a little hard to explain, but you go inside a building and they basically assign you a little hold to stay in. They're called capsules, and they're all stacked on top of each other and you crawl in; there's enough space to sleep and there's a little TV and that's about it. I don't think I could do it. But they're supposed to be ridiculously cheap to stay in. We'll see I suppose. It could possibly just turn into one of those things I do to say I did.
It's midnight and I'm already sleepy.
The End. :)
So for Day 12, I'm supposed to "bullet" my whole day. I'll do today, because I already can't really remember yesterday, even though today isn't quite over yet.
8:00am: half wake up in groggy state to say goodbye to Michael, since he's started getting up earlier to run/take a walk with his mom. Go back to sleep.
9:30am: Actually wake up, say good morning to cousin Mel, who is probably moving in with us soon. Get in the shower.
10:00am: get dressed and ready slowly for no reason. Skip the makeup, been wearing it too much.
10:40am: Head to Mikey's.
11:15am: Go to breakfast, technically lunch, with the Cooks. Pizza and salad.
1:00pm: Back to Mikeys, grab some stuff and head to the mall at 1:15.
1:30pm: Sit outside of the mall while Michael learns army stuff. Write and listen to music.
2:15pm: Leave mall and go to Penetration Demographics.
2:30pm: Watch Bri get tattooed and hang out with the artists for a while till we get hungry.
4:40pm: Go to Typhoon, buy my artist some food and bring it back. The two ladies who work there are hardcore Thai and make us laugh with their broken English.
5:00pm: Eat outside of Penetration. A man on a bike goes by, rings his bell and exclaims "Dinner Time!"
5:45pm: Bri's outline is finished. We wait around talking for a while, decide to go to Bri's, but not before getting snacks at Fry's.
6:45pm: Get to Bri's. Smoke hookah. Talk to people who come and go. Get music from Katherine.
10:10pm: Leave Bri's, back to Mikey's.
Now it's 11:30; I'm blogging, Mikey is playing some military related game. Bleh. I'm hoping to play some Fable 3 before bed but we'll probably be calling it a day relatively soon.
Anyway, that was fairly unnecessary. On to Day 13!
Somewhere You'd Like To Move Or Visit
Well if you know me at all you know how much I love Japan and all things Japanese. I need to go there at some time in my life. I'm kinda hoping Mikey will take me someday with his super awesome military fly-for-free-or-almost-free status. *wink wink nudge nudge* How sweet would that be? Pretty fuckin' sweet, because otherwise flying to Japan one way alone is like over a thousand dollars, money I do not have lying around to spend on a trip, or else I'd go tomorrow.
I don't want to go to Tokyo. I don't wanna be stereotypical about it in the least bit. I'd have a damn heart attack and get killed by a bicyclist simultaneously for sure. Tokyo scares me, though it's tempting just to witness all of the culture, or how they've westernized themselves, I should say. I want to see people dressed up in Cosplay, also. But I absolutely have to go to the Ghibli/Miyazaki Museum. There are short films and other fun stuff to enjoy.
There's a short film based on Totoro about Mei and a Catbus Kitten. It's nowhere to be found on the internet because you can only see it at the museum. It's killing me. All I can find are pictures like this one:
It's going to be the most epic trip of my life. I may have to spend a month there just to see as much as I want to see. If you know where to look, there are some really cheap decent quality places to stay. But I mean, if I end up saving money on just getting there I might splurge a little, because I don't think I can sleep in a claustrophobic hidey hole cubby thing, like they have here and there. It's a little hard to explain, but you go inside a building and they basically assign you a little hold to stay in. They're called capsules, and they're all stacked on top of each other and you crawl in; there's enough space to sleep and there's a little TV and that's about it. I don't think I could do it. But they're supposed to be ridiculously cheap to stay in. We'll see I suppose. It could possibly just turn into one of those things I do to say I did.
It's midnight and I'm already sleepy.
The End. :)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day 9?
Day 9 is supposed to be how you hope your future will be like. Well, like several other people doing this challenge I feel like this is too much like Day 2. I just want to be successful, happy, and comfy in my life like everyone else. Above all I want to survive the hard times and have a lot of good times to make up for it.
So I was thinking I would just move on to Day 10: Someone who came into your life unexpectedly and made an impact.
Well, most people come into our lives unexpectedly, so what can I really say? And when we talk about impact, is this negative or positive? It's always easier to think of the people that had a negative impact in your life than a positive one, for some reason. I could mention obvious ones, like past boyfriends or Michael, but I'd rather talk about something else to avoid being stereotypical.
We didn't necessarily hang out a whole lot through High School until Senior year; she was hard to get a hold of and when she moved to PV she was hard to hang out with. But when we did hang out, we usually played The Sims and she told me about other games and movies and things I had no knowledge of. I wasn't used to hanging out with a girl and not talking about who likes who and dramatic social problems in our tiny worlds. It was really refreshing for a change.
Today she's my best friend. She takes my shit when I'm in a bad mood, she listens to me when I rant about stupid problems, and knows how to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day. Definitely valuable things in a friendship for me. I can't imagine life without her, which is part of the reason I'm moving to Phoenix. If I moved to Flagstaff I'd have to deal with a lot of snow and no Serra, which is unacceptable. I need her support and distraction in this next coming year, so I'm moving when she does to Phoenix. We've both been there for each other, from driving each other around to finding a place for the other to live or work. It's been awesome. We have too many inside jokes and we'll probably have a lot more in the future.
So I was thinking I would just move on to Day 10: Someone who came into your life unexpectedly and made an impact.
Well, most people come into our lives unexpectedly, so what can I really say? And when we talk about impact, is this negative or positive? It's always easier to think of the people that had a negative impact in your life than a positive one, for some reason. I could mention obvious ones, like past boyfriends or Michael, but I'd rather talk about something else to avoid being stereotypical.
Serra Deroy
Serra was one of the Mile High kids I met in middle school. She had the same quiet, casual tomboy thing I had going on most of the time, too. She seemed pretty awesome. But I didn't get to see her much till High School, when we had P.E. together. That's a class that can either bring girls together or tear them apart, and we certainly had divided cliques in that class. We had a lot of fun though, and I found that I could tell her anything without any judgement whatsoever, a vast contrast from previous (and future) female friends.We didn't necessarily hang out a whole lot through High School until Senior year; she was hard to get a hold of and when she moved to PV she was hard to hang out with. But when we did hang out, we usually played The Sims and she told me about other games and movies and things I had no knowledge of. I wasn't used to hanging out with a girl and not talking about who likes who and dramatic social problems in our tiny worlds. It was really refreshing for a change.
Today she's my best friend. She takes my shit when I'm in a bad mood, she listens to me when I rant about stupid problems, and knows how to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day. Definitely valuable things in a friendship for me. I can't imagine life without her, which is part of the reason I'm moving to Phoenix. If I moved to Flagstaff I'd have to deal with a lot of snow and no Serra, which is unacceptable. I need her support and distraction in this next coming year, so I'm moving when she does to Phoenix. We've both been there for each other, from driving each other around to finding a place for the other to live or work. It's been awesome. We have too many inside jokes and we'll probably have a lot more in the future.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day Seven/Eight
Whoops, I seem to have missed a day. I don't want that to happen too often or in big chunks like what happened when I attempted the photo challenge. Writing takes a lot more time and effort than just finding a picture and saying a snippit of words about it.
But day seven and eight will probably be shorter entries than the last few, so I'll condense them.
Day 7: Your Zodiac Sign and If You Think It Fits Your Personality
I'm a Gemini, and will always be a Gemini, despite the new shift in planets and additional sign. As far as I'm concerned this only applies to people born after this change. I'm a Gemini because that's the way the planets aligned when I was born. I refuse to accept anything different.
Anyway, I'm one of those hippies that is both proud of and places blame on my zodiac sign. I've also gone as far as (with the help of my mother) researching the day of my birth further and found that my sun sign is Gemini, but my moon sign is Capricorn. I doubt anyone who's reading this really knows what that means, so don't worry about it. Gemini is an air sign and is most closely related to and ruled by planet Mercury. It is the sign of Communication. Remember, in Roman and Greek Mythology, Mercury/Hermes is the messenger God (the guy with the wings on his shoes).
I've seen a lot of things about my personality according to my sign. All I know for sure is each sign is just a different kind of crazy. Geminis tend to be very contradictory, having both a light flighty side and a darker serious side. Almost split personality status. Too many things have been said to really pin down a definition, really. But all of the Geminis I know are all pretty similar in certain respects. My mom is a Gemini, and when we get silly and interact with each other it's more like a crowd of people than just the two of us.
I definitely think it fits me. I'd like to get a Gemini tattoo but I don't want it to be stereotypical and retarded like most Zodiac tattoos. My favorite video game, Rune Factory Frontier, has two female characters that are just different sides of the same person, and your goal is to bring them both together again. I love the idea of getting the two of them tattooed in a Gemini fashion.
But day seven and eight will probably be shorter entries than the last few, so I'll condense them.
Day 7: Your Zodiac Sign and If You Think It Fits Your Personality
I'm a Gemini, and will always be a Gemini, despite the new shift in planets and additional sign. As far as I'm concerned this only applies to people born after this change. I'm a Gemini because that's the way the planets aligned when I was born. I refuse to accept anything different.
Anyway, I'm one of those hippies that is both proud of and places blame on my zodiac sign. I've also gone as far as (with the help of my mother) researching the day of my birth further and found that my sun sign is Gemini, but my moon sign is Capricorn. I doubt anyone who's reading this really knows what that means, so don't worry about it. Gemini is an air sign and is most closely related to and ruled by planet Mercury. It is the sign of Communication. Remember, in Roman and Greek Mythology, Mercury/Hermes is the messenger God (the guy with the wings on his shoes).
I've seen a lot of things about my personality according to my sign. All I know for sure is each sign is just a different kind of crazy. Geminis tend to be very contradictory, having both a light flighty side and a darker serious side. Almost split personality status. Too many things have been said to really pin down a definition, really. But all of the Geminis I know are all pretty similar in certain respects. My mom is a Gemini, and when we get silly and interact with each other it's more like a crowd of people than just the two of us.
I definitely think it fits me. I'd like to get a Gemini tattoo but I don't want it to be stereotypical and retarded like most Zodiac tattoos. My favorite video game, Rune Factory Frontier, has two female characters that are just different sides of the same person, and your goal is to bring them both together again. I love the idea of getting the two of them tattooed in a Gemini fashion.
Iris Noire and Iris Blanche
This concludes my day seven entry.
As for Day 8: A Moment You Felt Most Satisfied With Your Life
I can't really say there has really been a single vivid moment in which I've looked at my life and been totally happy with it. However, despite having a lot of lows, I have highs too, and my satisfaction for my life hits me at strange times, usually when I'm driving. Like lightning I suddenly realize how good I have it. My life is drama free, I have a kickass boyfriend and a cool best friend; I don't pay rent or bills (yet) and I have everything I need and a little more.
Life is good.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day 6/Second Photo Shoot With Julio Perez, Favorites
Day 6: A Photo Of Yourself and 30 Facts About Yourself
1. I have lived in the same house for almost 16 years.
2. I'm right handed, but I sometimes wish I was left handed, so I practice doing things with my non-dominate hand.
3. Since I was 11, I have always had a Game Boy, or some evolved model of it.
4. I was in Brownie Scouts from 2nd grade to 5th grade and Girl Scouts 6th grade to 7th grade. I quit because my troop was made of all of my friends, and all we did was goof off.
5. I had my first boyfriend when I was ten, some of you may know him as Stewie.
6. My middle name is Meagan-Rose. I don't like telling too many people because I think it's special. I especially don't like it being used when I'm in trouble.
7. I got my first piercing when I was 16 (my belly button) and my first tattoo when I was 17 (my bass clef heart on my wrist).
8. I have never broken a bone.
9. I hate spiders. I used to run from them but now I generally just kill them when I see them. It gives me a sick satisfaction, and makes me feel like I'm facing my childhood fears.
10. My very first impressions of people are almost always correct. I know whether or not I'll like them in the first few minutes of talking to them, and whether or not they'll play a role in my life.
11. I fucking love candy. And swearing.
12. Space scares me. It has to do with what I talked about on day five. I don't like looking at pictures of it and I don't want to know what's out there.
13. My favorite game of all time is The Sims. I've been playing it since the very first game was out and I have Sims 3, but my favorite is Sims 2.
14. I find it kind of funny that I used to be a quiet nerd everyone made was mean to, because I see a big difference in myself today. I wish I could go back in time sometimes and stand up for myself.
15. In grade school kids made fun of my ears. I'm still a little (but not as) self conscious about them.
16. I started learning to drive when I was fourteen on a dirt road between here and Cordes Junction.
17. I keep memories from relationships in shoe boxes in my closet.
18. In fact, I keep a lot of unnecessary things. I'm kind of a pack rat.
19. I didn't have cable TV or whatever everyone else had growing up. I had PBS. I blame this for how weird I was as a child, but I don't think I'm going to let my kids watch TV either. It's crap now and it'll be crap then. They can discover it on their own when they're older.
20. I know I don't need to wear makeup. I look fine without it, but I can't resist wearing a little if I'm going to work or school.
21. My favorite pajama pants are ones I got from an ex. They have robots on them. Everyone is jealous of them. :)
22. I like the cold better than the heat. It wakes me up and I like bundling up and cuddling under warm blankets.
23. I can find the good in people 9 times out of 10. However, there are some people that I just hate, and since I really don't hate that many people, you know I have a good reason or two. I give people lots of chances but sometimes just can't stand them.
24. I fucking hate Insane Clown Posse. I'm sorry, but most people who listen to them are white trash, crazy, or both and more.
25. I love anything and everything Japanese or just Asian, but Japanese is my favorite.
26. I took some Japanese in High School, but not enough. Hopefully I can keep studying it some time in my life.
27. I love 80's music. Usually the gay pop or elecro kind. I don't care who knows it. Crazy 80's clothes are awesome too. And 80's movies. Okay, I like a lot of 80's stuff.
28. When I was little I loved dragons and unicorns, and firmly believed in faeries. It's sad to think I'll never really have that magic spark in me again like I did when I was a child.
29. I never want to get divorced, ever. I'd like to go as far as saying I will never get divorced. I don't want to jinx it by saying anything else.
30. I'm a little bit psychic. If you don't know me well enough this sounds funny, but if you do you know what I mean. I have this way of tuning into people and things that surprises me often.
And now for a few more photos from the shoot I did today. Enjoy!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Day 5
A time I thought about ending my own life.
Well, unfortunately I think about this way often than a normal person does. As mentioned in my blog about drugs and alcohol, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression when I was in my early teens. I've stressed myself out to the point of making myself physically ill and have been all kinds of depressed, from being angry and taking it out on others to hiding it till I'm trying to fall asleep at night.
It's rough. Maybe not everyone understands that it's a difficult thing to control. You can't really just "snap out of it." It takes focus and a whole new mindset to pull yourself out of a hole, and that's if you realize you're in it and want to get out. It really does affect everyone around you like those dumb commercials say. Sometimes I just can't function socially, and I've been known to snap at people close to me, assuming they'll understand and forgive me.
Anyhow, the first big official time I thought about ending my life was when I was fourteen. I was a Freshmen in High School and really didn't realize I was depressed. I was having this discussion with my boyfriend at the time about how big the universe is. For some reason, it just really got to me. For the first time, I pictured just how small I was in the vast big picture that is space. Why was I here? Was there any real reason?
I went crying to my mom about how I saw no point in being alive. She freaked, and took me to the hospital, where I was quarantined for a good couple hours because I said I had a "plan." I don't think I really did, I just made up the first thing I could think of. I would've either messed it up or chickened out.
Nowadays every time I completely break down and catch myself thinking: "that's it, I'm really going to do it this time" I stop and think how that would affect everyone in my life. I basically just sleep on it after that and take it one day at a time. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo on my foot that says "Sleep on it" just to make sure I'll always remember to give it time, and that I don't need to take such drastic action.
I don't believe in pills, but there's something satisfying about telling a stranger all the thoughts you can't bring yourself to tell anyone else. That's why I like therapists. Besides that, I try to find things that make me laugh when I'm down. If I can get a little dopamine boost I can remember that my life really isn't that bad. Comedians, silly kids movies, video games, stupid pictures on the internet, combined with exercise and something good to eat is enough to keep me going.
Take your vitamins and eat your chocolate! Also, get some sunshine and do something you enjoy. Never give up, sleep on it, and remember that no darkness lasts forever.
Now here's something to make you giggle:
Well, unfortunately I think about this way often than a normal person does. As mentioned in my blog about drugs and alcohol, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression when I was in my early teens. I've stressed myself out to the point of making myself physically ill and have been all kinds of depressed, from being angry and taking it out on others to hiding it till I'm trying to fall asleep at night.
It's rough. Maybe not everyone understands that it's a difficult thing to control. You can't really just "snap out of it." It takes focus and a whole new mindset to pull yourself out of a hole, and that's if you realize you're in it and want to get out. It really does affect everyone around you like those dumb commercials say. Sometimes I just can't function socially, and I've been known to snap at people close to me, assuming they'll understand and forgive me.
Anyhow, the first big official time I thought about ending my life was when I was fourteen. I was a Freshmen in High School and really didn't realize I was depressed. I was having this discussion with my boyfriend at the time about how big the universe is. For some reason, it just really got to me. For the first time, I pictured just how small I was in the vast big picture that is space. Why was I here? Was there any real reason?
I went crying to my mom about how I saw no point in being alive. She freaked, and took me to the hospital, where I was quarantined for a good couple hours because I said I had a "plan." I don't think I really did, I just made up the first thing I could think of. I would've either messed it up or chickened out.
Nowadays every time I completely break down and catch myself thinking: "that's it, I'm really going to do it this time" I stop and think how that would affect everyone in my life. I basically just sleep on it after that and take it one day at a time. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo on my foot that says "Sleep on it" just to make sure I'll always remember to give it time, and that I don't need to take such drastic action.
I don't believe in pills, but there's something satisfying about telling a stranger all the thoughts you can't bring yourself to tell anyone else. That's why I like therapists. Besides that, I try to find things that make me laugh when I'm down. If I can get a little dopamine boost I can remember that my life really isn't that bad. Comedians, silly kids movies, video games, stupid pictures on the internet, combined with exercise and something good to eat is enough to keep me going.
Take your vitamins and eat your chocolate! Also, get some sunshine and do something you enjoy. Never give up, sleep on it, and remember that no darkness lasts forever.
Now here's something to make you giggle:
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Day 4: Religion
I would definitely call myself an Agnostic at this point. Not an Atheist. Religion is kind of a touchy subject for me because it's always been just below the surface of my life as a source of confusion and sometimes fear. Mostly I'm afraid that nothing happens when we die and there is no Deity(s) watching over the world from some spiritual plane of existence. It drives me nuts that all religions seem to insist that they're correct. I say, how do you know? Because the longest game of telephone ever that is the Bible told you so?
Do you know what happens in telephone? It's a game of miscommunication. Information is relayed from person to person and the message is passed on, even if it is heard incorrectly, so that by the time it gets to the last person the original message isn't even close to what it was in the beginning. And I think it's like that with the Bible. Things have been passed on, revised, rewritten, cut out and retold so many times I can only think of it as a bunch of stories to give you something to think about, not actual fact. Call me blasphemous or whatever, I don't care. I spent about eight months studying Christianity because I wanted to know what the big fuss was about, and all I decided when I left was that Religion is what you make of it. Religion is given power through the people/
Who, by the way, also bother me a lot. On the surface is a group of kind forgiving people who just want to have some innocent wholesome fun. But below that is a group of people who will tell you you will go to hell if you don't believe what they do and pretty much insult you until you give in or leave. I can't stand it. That, and I know some people who can't have a simple conversation without bringing up God. It makes me really uncomfortable, because although I don't deny the existence of a God, I don't need it to be brought up and pushed on me unnecessarily.
But after all of that, I'm still the kind of person who occasionally prays quietly (and seldomly) to myself "just in case" and believes in reincarnation. I've also delved into Wicca and touched on Buddhism, as well as gone to a few churches just to see how it was. I can't go to church anymore. Period. It makes me pretty uncomfortable. I don't like chanting or being forced to answer or agree to something I don't necessarily agree with or believe. So I'm doing my own thing. I think that if there is a God, He or She or It knows me well enough to know why I do what I do and why I don't go to church. I don't think you have to to be religious anyhow. I just want to live my life and learn, not worry about what happens afterwards and be constantly apologizing for mistakes to someone I don't know is there or not.
And with that, I'm off to PV to see my boyfriend perform at a talent show. :)
Do you know what happens in telephone? It's a game of miscommunication. Information is relayed from person to person and the message is passed on, even if it is heard incorrectly, so that by the time it gets to the last person the original message isn't even close to what it was in the beginning. And I think it's like that with the Bible. Things have been passed on, revised, rewritten, cut out and retold so many times I can only think of it as a bunch of stories to give you something to think about, not actual fact. Call me blasphemous or whatever, I don't care. I spent about eight months studying Christianity because I wanted to know what the big fuss was about, and all I decided when I left was that Religion is what you make of it. Religion is given power through the people/
Who, by the way, also bother me a lot. On the surface is a group of kind forgiving people who just want to have some innocent wholesome fun. But below that is a group of people who will tell you you will go to hell if you don't believe what they do and pretty much insult you until you give in or leave. I can't stand it. That, and I know some people who can't have a simple conversation without bringing up God. It makes me really uncomfortable, because although I don't deny the existence of a God, I don't need it to be brought up and pushed on me unnecessarily.
But after all of that, I'm still the kind of person who occasionally prays quietly (and seldomly) to myself "just in case" and believes in reincarnation. I've also delved into Wicca and touched on Buddhism, as well as gone to a few churches just to see how it was. I can't go to church anymore. Period. It makes me pretty uncomfortable. I don't like chanting or being forced to answer or agree to something I don't necessarily agree with or believe. So I'm doing my own thing. I think that if there is a God, He or She or It knows me well enough to know why I do what I do and why I don't go to church. I don't think you have to to be religious anyhow. I just want to live my life and learn, not worry about what happens afterwards and be constantly apologizing for mistakes to someone I don't know is there or not.
And with that, I'm off to PV to see my boyfriend perform at a talent show. :)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Day 3: Drugs and Alcohol
Nick Swardson. Fuckin' funny guy. But he talks about drinking first off, so watch it. If you're like me and you don't like intros to comedians, let it buffer and fast forward to about a minute in.
When it comes to mind altering substances I say: know your limitations. I did a lot of binge drinking in High School; I've had a lot of crying-on-the-bathroom-floor incidents, and tend to cause drama when I drink too much. (It depends on what I drink too, but nevermind that.) Anyway, I've had enough of these episodes to know drinking can be really dangerous and stupid, so do it in moderation. (That video up there? He talks about drunk girls. That's me.) I like a mixed drink after a frustrating day to relax, but when it comes to getting blackout schmammered....not for me, and I'd like to avoid that.
As for the other stuff, I'm all for marijuana. I don't see the logic in trying to keep a non-lethal substance illegal while people die from the legal stuff. You can't overdose, and it does more help than harm for most people. I'm a pretty uptight person. I get it from my mother, who could also use a joint once in a while (if only I could convince her). Weed helps both my anxiety and depression, both of which I've been battling off and on basically my whole life. It doesn't make me want to do other drugs and it doesn't make me a violent maniac like old movies have once suggested. It just makes me hungry, and laugh a lot. What's the harm in that?
I stay away from everything else. I'm hesitant to try anything that would make me hallucinate and I'll never do anything that could be made in my kitchen with a rusty spoon and bleach. Why would I put that shit straight into me? I hate needles (unless it's the tattooing kind) and I can't afford a drug habit anyway. Blech. If I want to lose weight or feel energized I'll work out and have some coffee, or better yet just B Vitamins.
Anyway, that's about the extent of my beliefs on that junk.
When it comes to mind altering substances I say: know your limitations. I did a lot of binge drinking in High School; I've had a lot of crying-on-the-bathroom-floor incidents, and tend to cause drama when I drink too much. (It depends on what I drink too, but nevermind that.) Anyway, I've had enough of these episodes to know drinking can be really dangerous and stupid, so do it in moderation. (That video up there? He talks about drunk girls. That's me.) I like a mixed drink after a frustrating day to relax, but when it comes to getting blackout schmammered....not for me, and I'd like to avoid that.
As for the other stuff, I'm all for marijuana. I don't see the logic in trying to keep a non-lethal substance illegal while people die from the legal stuff. You can't overdose, and it does more help than harm for most people. I'm a pretty uptight person. I get it from my mother, who could also use a joint once in a while (if only I could convince her). Weed helps both my anxiety and depression, both of which I've been battling off and on basically my whole life. It doesn't make me want to do other drugs and it doesn't make me a violent maniac like old movies have once suggested. It just makes me hungry, and laugh a lot. What's the harm in that?
I stay away from everything else. I'm hesitant to try anything that would make me hallucinate and I'll never do anything that could be made in my kitchen with a rusty spoon and bleach. Why would I put that shit straight into me? I hate needles (unless it's the tattooing kind) and I can't afford a drug habit anyway. Blech. If I want to lose weight or feel energized I'll work out and have some coffee, or better yet just B Vitamins.
Anyway, that's about the extent of my beliefs on that junk.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Day 2 of New Challenge
Where would I like to be in ten years?
Well I'll be 29, almost thirty, which is super weird to imagine. Honestly I picture myself married with possible children or one on the way, something like that. I'd like to have a career going and have published something by then, too. I hope to be pretty well off financially, and probably not living here in Prescott. Almost-thirty seems like a long ways away right now. I don't even really know where I'll be in the next five years, much less ten. It really depends on how everything plays out, y'know?
All I can really hope for is that I'm alive, happy, and still doing what I can to feel young inside. Travel, stay up late, do spontaneous things, indulge myself once in a while, that sort of thing. I definitely don't want to be stuck in a job I don't like, and be stressed out by money or anything like that. I think I'll be a good mother someday, though maybe not now. I'll take lots of videos and play games with my kid(s) and teach them not to listen to what the world tells them to be; just be who they want to be. I don't think we'll have TV. If TV is as bad as it is now I only want to raise my family on movies, especially anything Miyazaki related.
All that matters to me really is family. But I have to work on the career first because I want to be able to afford to have adventures with them without anyone worrying about how we'll pay the bills after the vacation. I'll still visit my parents, brother and extended family and get better at staying in touch with them when I can't visit.
And that's about it. :)
Well I'll be 29, almost thirty, which is super weird to imagine. Honestly I picture myself married with possible children or one on the way, something like that. I'd like to have a career going and have published something by then, too. I hope to be pretty well off financially, and probably not living here in Prescott. Almost-thirty seems like a long ways away right now. I don't even really know where I'll be in the next five years, much less ten. It really depends on how everything plays out, y'know?
All I can really hope for is that I'm alive, happy, and still doing what I can to feel young inside. Travel, stay up late, do spontaneous things, indulge myself once in a while, that sort of thing. I definitely don't want to be stuck in a job I don't like, and be stressed out by money or anything like that. I think I'll be a good mother someday, though maybe not now. I'll take lots of videos and play games with my kid(s) and teach them not to listen to what the world tells them to be; just be who they want to be. I don't think we'll have TV. If TV is as bad as it is now I only want to raise my family on movies, especially anything Miyazaki related.
All that matters to me really is family. But I have to work on the career first because I want to be able to afford to have adventures with them without anyone worrying about how we'll pay the bills after the vacation. I'll still visit my parents, brother and extended family and get better at staying in touch with them when I can't visit.
And that's about it. :)
Rape Your Mind With These Movies
I'm way too into movies. I pride myself on being able to recognize actors even in their strangest roles and I'm getting pretty into directors, too. I used to be a book worm, but I have this terrible curse that doesn't let me finish books 9/10 times I try to read them. If I don't eat them up in less than a week I'll never finish them. Movies take a lot less time than books and can still give you a lot to analyze and think about. So if you're as into films as I am or are just in need of some recommendations, add these to your list. These are the craziest movies I've seen as of late.
MR. NOBODY
I know I've mentioned this one in a previous blog, but I can tell you a little more about it now. It's a little difficult to explain, but basically it starts with an old man talking to a strange looking therapist about his life. He talks about all these different outcomes in his life as though they're all happening at once, and at one point he says something about quantum physics implying that he did in fact experience all of his lifes possibilities at once. It's sort of a love story, but not really sometimes, because he tells us about three different women he's with. But not at the same time...
You really just have to see it. It's more of a positive trippy than a negative, because although it's sad at times it's bittersweet and lovely.
BLACK SWAN
This is still in theatres I believe, so hurry! If not, add it to your list to see later as soon as you can download it or get it on dvd if you're one o' them honest people. This was a strange story about a girls internal conflicts. Natalie Portman is a dedicated dancer living with her mother (no father) who still treats her like a little girl. Her dance instructor says they're putting on Swan Lake, and need one person to be two characters: the white swan and the black swan. Things start getting weird and questionable when the main character starts seeing the dark side of herself walking around and experiences things that later no one can decide whether they did or didn't happen.
It gets really intense and bracing. The director (Darren Aronofsky) who did this movie also did Requiem For A Dream, The Fountain, Pi, and The Wrestler. Haven't seen the last two, but definitely watch The Fountain. I sort of have a grudge against Requiem because it raped my childhood, but it's one of those "drugs are bad, look what happens" movies. Really good soundtrack.
SPLICE
Though fairly predictable, this Sci-Fi/Horror was still really shocking. Two scientists (also a married couple) are working on splicing certain species to create a compound to help human beings with things like cancer, diseases, diabetes etc. They seem like a happy pair and are talking about having kids, but their higher ups say that if they don't create the right compound soon they'll probably be shut down. Miss Wifey Scientist suggests introducing human DNA to the splicing experiment "just to see if they can." There's a lot of "what's the worst that could happen"s and you find out just what the worst that could happen is. The experiment, Dren, develops fast. Too fast.
It gets craaaazy. Watch it. This director, Vincenzo Natali also does a movie called Cube. There are sequels but just ignore them, they're no good. Another movie he directed was called Nothing, which I haven't seen yet but have heard good things about.
So there you have it! I enjoy recommending movies and I'll probably do this more often.
MR. NOBODY
I know I've mentioned this one in a previous blog, but I can tell you a little more about it now. It's a little difficult to explain, but basically it starts with an old man talking to a strange looking therapist about his life. He talks about all these different outcomes in his life as though they're all happening at once, and at one point he says something about quantum physics implying that he did in fact experience all of his lifes possibilities at once. It's sort of a love story, but not really sometimes, because he tells us about three different women he's with. But not at the same time...
You really just have to see it. It's more of a positive trippy than a negative, because although it's sad at times it's bittersweet and lovely.
BLACK SWAN
It gets really intense and bracing. The director (Darren Aronofsky) who did this movie also did Requiem For A Dream, The Fountain, Pi, and The Wrestler. Haven't seen the last two, but definitely watch The Fountain. I sort of have a grudge against Requiem because it raped my childhood, but it's one of those "drugs are bad, look what happens" movies. Really good soundtrack.
SPLICE
It gets craaaazy. Watch it. This director, Vincenzo Natali also does a movie called Cube. There are sequels but just ignore them, they're no good. Another movie he directed was called Nothing, which I haven't seen yet but have heard good things about.
So there you have it! I enjoy recommending movies and I'll probably do this more often.
Monday, January 17, 2011
A New Challenge?
Here's what it looks like:
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - A photo of yourself and write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 – Someone who came into your life unexpected and made an impact.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 – A photo of a cherished memory.
Day 15 - 5 people in your life right now who mean the most.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 – Something that makes you laugh.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 – Something you want to do before you die.
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 – Somewhere you would like to travel.
Day 25 – A photo you took.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.
So Day 1.Talking too much about my relationship makes me feel kinda weird. There are a lot of girls out there who obsess to a frightening extent about their boyfriends, who they'll probably break up with soon anyway. I try not to be too crazy about it, mostly online, because I know it sickens other people. I know I get nauseated when girls go on and on about how lucky they are, and all of their posts are what they did with their boyfriend that day, and they gush and gush about it and post waaaayyy too many pictures of them together. I consider what I do to be a much more toned down version of this. But, since you ask, I'll do all of my gushing now and get it out of my system, so if you're interested in knowing "the story" and have a strong stomach, read on.
Here's some music to listen to while you read from the awkward years of my life, when I first met Michael.
Not the best quality video, but you get the point.
However, I do like thinking back to how everything began with Michael. I've never really sat down and told the whole thing straight out. Once or twice I've opened old journals and read about the day I met him. I was thirteen. Naive, selfish, self-absorbed, all that good stuff. I went to Granite Mountain Middle school, and through people from my school to people at Mile High Middle School I started hearing about a certain group of boys. I got talked into adding them on instant messenger and spoke to Alex, Michael, Chris and Tony.
However, I do like thinking back to how everything began with Michael. I've never really sat down and told the whole thing straight out. Once or twice I've opened old journals and read about the day I met him. I was thirteen. Naive, selfish, self-absorbed, all that good stuff. I went to Granite Mountain Middle school, and through people from my school to people at Mile High Middle School I started hearing about a certain group of boys. I got talked into adding them on instant messenger and spoke to Alex, Michael, Chris and Tony.
We decided some of us should meet up at a movie and meet for the first time.
So I get there with my mom, because I'm thirteen and I can't drive, and walk right past three boys sitting outside of Harkins. I'm too shy to go over and ask if they are who I'm looking for, so my mom decides to embarrass me and do it herself. It was Michael, Chris, and "Ardans," another Michael. I think at this point Kristen had a thing for Michael, but I don't think I cared. Again, thirteen. It was immediately apparent to me that this boy would be important for one reason or another. We sat next to each other (after a silent argument with Kristen over who would sit next to him) and watched IRobot. (Today Michael and I watch that movie on the same day every year, we just call it IRobot Day.)
So he let me borrow his watch, definitely as an excuse to for us to see each other again. I have trouble remembering how the "relationship" itself started, or how we pulled it off for nine months while going to different schools. There was a lot of making out. We'd try to do something, like watching a movie, and end up making out. Once my mom caught us and we couldn't see each other for a month. I don't know, it was super weird. On top of that, I would've done anything to see him, include join a sports team just to have meets at the same places he did. Yeah, joined Cross Country in the hopes of seeing him, and pretty much only for that reason. At least I'm not that stupid now. You couldn't pay me to join the Army, and I'm sure as hell smarter than to assume that if I do I'll see Michael. I definitely won't.
Anyway, things started to get boring, mostly for him I'm sure.We did the break up get back together thing, like we do. And I was a clingy emotional girl, with High School fast approaching, why would he want to keep it going? But he broke up with me over instant messenger, which was pretty shitty, right around the same time I found out my dad was divorcing his second wife, the best stepmom in the world to me. I was in a bad state. Cried for days, went into counseling, had a lot of problems blah blah blah.
I really didn't think we'd ever get back together. I know I held onto my feelings for him somewhere, because I'd look at him sometimes and think things I shouldn't be thinking, that sort of thing. But we just went through High School pretty disconnected from each other. We each had our share of crazy bad relationships with crazy bad people that we constantly fell back on out of loneliness. He became Mikey, the friend I held dear in my heart and wouldn't think of any other way. Our friends sometimes called me the female Michael.We had similar mannerisms, wore basically the same pair of black framed glasses, had dark hair, similar eyes, and I really just thought my feelings towards him were like a sister to a brother.
Things got interesting around High School graduation. I wasn't quite over breaking up with Saint the month before, and planned on going to Michael's after it was all over. I borrowed his clothes and spent the night in the man cave with him and a few other people, where he listened to me whine and cry about everything. We realized how out of touch we were and started hanging out, feeling like some of the only people not running off to a university. When we weren't hanging out we were texting, but I didn't want to read to much into it. I was friends with his ex, and if anything happened shit would hit the fan. I was supposed to hang out with her on my birthday weekend, and a few days before that, out of nowhere, Michael kissed me. My first thought was calculating how long it had been since I'd kissed him. My second?
I'm so fucking dead.
I'd been involved in a lot of Michael's drama. By that I mean his ex girlfriends. What was I supposed to say to his number one ex, someone I was supposed to be close friends with? We went back and forth on whether or not we should let it get any further.
I guess the rest is history. Turns out I didn't need certain friends anyway, and the real friends I've made peace with since then.
But as everyone knows we broke up for a while. And I didn't think we'd get back together then either. We saw other people. We only kinda talked and I stopped bring the topic of "us" up in conversation. I gave up. What I was most upset and confused about was how much I still loved him, and how I really thought we'd stay together. I didn't delete pictures or throw things away, but I didn't look at them either. I assumed he'd blocked me out of his heart and his head and knew I'd have to accept it at some point. So I tried. Really hard. I wanted to at least repair a friendship, but that was hard too. Being around him again made me think there was still a chance, and I didn't want to be optimistic. I hate optimism, because I tend to get disappointed.
But one night I went to his house to hang out with him and a few other people. It got really really late and we were trying to watch movies on the couch with Moose (Alex) and started cuddling on the couch. All I could think was how I didn't want to be like the other girls. I didn't want to just take what I could get and obsess over him. It was really distressing. We took Alex home and I hesitantly asked him what was going on with us.
I heard everything I was hoping to hear. He'd missed me too, he hadn't deleted or thrown anything away either, and he thought we could do this. All very rare things for Michael to say or do, in my experience. We talked till 7:30 that morning. We hadn't slept yet. But we ended up just going to breakfast and not sleeping till that night. I was too pumped up on happiness to feel tired at all.
It's been such an up and down journey. Now we're determined to stick together and get through all this difficult stuff coming up. As long as we do (and I really think we will) I hope we'll be doing a lot of traveling together. I'm excited for all of the good things but am really bracing myself for the bad stuff. I can't see myself with anyone else, and even though I may be pretty young to say that, looking back it seems like we can't stay apart no matter what we do. Why should distance stop us?
It's just a new challenge.
So he let me borrow his watch, definitely as an excuse to for us to see each other again. I have trouble remembering how the "relationship" itself started, or how we pulled it off for nine months while going to different schools. There was a lot of making out. We'd try to do something, like watching a movie, and end up making out. Once my mom caught us and we couldn't see each other for a month. I don't know, it was super weird. On top of that, I would've done anything to see him, include join a sports team just to have meets at the same places he did. Yeah, joined Cross Country in the hopes of seeing him, and pretty much only for that reason. At least I'm not that stupid now. You couldn't pay me to join the Army, and I'm sure as hell smarter than to assume that if I do I'll see Michael. I definitely won't.
Anyway, things started to get boring, mostly for him I'm sure.We did the break up get back together thing, like we do. And I was a clingy emotional girl, with High School fast approaching, why would he want to keep it going? But he broke up with me over instant messenger, which was pretty shitty, right around the same time I found out my dad was divorcing his second wife, the best stepmom in the world to me. I was in a bad state. Cried for days, went into counseling, had a lot of problems blah blah blah.
I really didn't think we'd ever get back together. I know I held onto my feelings for him somewhere, because I'd look at him sometimes and think things I shouldn't be thinking, that sort of thing. But we just went through High School pretty disconnected from each other. We each had our share of crazy bad relationships with crazy bad people that we constantly fell back on out of loneliness. He became Mikey, the friend I held dear in my heart and wouldn't think of any other way. Our friends sometimes called me the female Michael.We had similar mannerisms, wore basically the same pair of black framed glasses, had dark hair, similar eyes, and I really just thought my feelings towards him were like a sister to a brother.
Things got interesting around High School graduation. I wasn't quite over breaking up with Saint the month before, and planned on going to Michael's after it was all over. I borrowed his clothes and spent the night in the man cave with him and a few other people, where he listened to me whine and cry about everything. We realized how out of touch we were and started hanging out, feeling like some of the only people not running off to a university. When we weren't hanging out we were texting, but I didn't want to read to much into it. I was friends with his ex, and if anything happened shit would hit the fan. I was supposed to hang out with her on my birthday weekend, and a few days before that, out of nowhere, Michael kissed me. My first thought was calculating how long it had been since I'd kissed him. My second?
I'm so fucking dead.
I'd been involved in a lot of Michael's drama. By that I mean his ex girlfriends. What was I supposed to say to his number one ex, someone I was supposed to be close friends with? We went back and forth on whether or not we should let it get any further.
I guess the rest is history. Turns out I didn't need certain friends anyway, and the real friends I've made peace with since then.
But as everyone knows we broke up for a while. And I didn't think we'd get back together then either. We saw other people. We only kinda talked and I stopped bring the topic of "us" up in conversation. I gave up. What I was most upset and confused about was how much I still loved him, and how I really thought we'd stay together. I didn't delete pictures or throw things away, but I didn't look at them either. I assumed he'd blocked me out of his heart and his head and knew I'd have to accept it at some point. So I tried. Really hard. I wanted to at least repair a friendship, but that was hard too. Being around him again made me think there was still a chance, and I didn't want to be optimistic. I hate optimism, because I tend to get disappointed.
But one night I went to his house to hang out with him and a few other people. It got really really late and we were trying to watch movies on the couch with Moose (Alex) and started cuddling on the couch. All I could think was how I didn't want to be like the other girls. I didn't want to just take what I could get and obsess over him. It was really distressing. We took Alex home and I hesitantly asked him what was going on with us.
I heard everything I was hoping to hear. He'd missed me too, he hadn't deleted or thrown anything away either, and he thought we could do this. All very rare things for Michael to say or do, in my experience. We talked till 7:30 that morning. We hadn't slept yet. But we ended up just going to breakfast and not sleeping till that night. I was too pumped up on happiness to feel tired at all.
It's been such an up and down journey. Now we're determined to stick together and get through all this difficult stuff coming up. As long as we do (and I really think we will) I hope we'll be doing a lot of traveling together. I'm excited for all of the good things but am really bracing myself for the bad stuff. I can't see myself with anyone else, and even though I may be pretty young to say that, looking back it seems like we can't stay apart no matter what we do. Why should distance stop us?
It's just a new challenge.
Drunk and happy the night he asked me to be his girlfriend
June 21st, 2009
Goals
So it's been a strange last couple weeks. I probably would have posted more if I'd brought my computer to Emily's, where I've spent pretty much the last two weeks. I think I've slept in my own bed maybe three times in the last month, after the snow storm and watching Emily's house with Mikey. It's been pretty weird. I realized the other night I've been wanting to be alone for one reason and one reason only: to write. In fact it's been driving me a little insane. When I have no outlet and my thoughts build up unnoticed I kind of shut down, don't talk as much, and can get emotional. So while I have my chance I'm going to post several blogs today to get it all out of my system.
It's 2011, which freaks me out. I've actually put off a "New Years" blog on purpose. I'm terrified of the future. I'm superstitious about 2012, and scared of what's going to happen if the world doesn't end anyway. Time is passing too quickly, and a very unpleasant chunk of my life is approaching. First of all, this Michael going into the army thing. I've chosen a difficult path in life, something I do pretty often, but if I can get through it it'll all be worth it. I'm looking forward to the positive things, like writing letters, which I'm damn good at, but in general really don't like the idea of him being gone for so long. This next year will be almost entirely free for me to work on myself, so I'm making a list of what I'd like to do.
1) Stay in Shape
I'll be miserable in the Phoenix heat, I can tell you that right now. If I don't exercise I might just sweat undesired weight off. But I'd really like to build some serious muscle, maybe even take some kind of martial arts class if I can afford it. I'd also like to take a gun safety class and learn how to shoot. I feel like having a boyfriend in the army should mean being a badass. I don't want him to come home to a fat lump, that's for sure. And I'd like to feel good about myself, that's the important part.
2) Learn How to Make a Meal
From mostly or entirely scratch, I'd like to get into cooking. My dad lives on a steady diet of ramen and hot pockets and breakfast cereal, which is not something I want to get into. I'm hoping to introduce him to some tastier foods, like Vindaloo and other Eastern cuisine, which can be pretty easy to make.
3) Do Well In School
I'm shooting for counseling as a career. Marriage, Family, or Youth. I've been taking a variety of social science classes here in Prescott just to have a well rounded start. I want to get a sharp direction going towards a career in this next year and know for sure what I'm doing.
4) Not Get Too Depressed
I'm not gonna lie, it's not gonna be easy. Alone in a big city with the parent I've spent much less time with in my life, no Michael, and only Chris and Serra to socialize with. I see a lot of lonely days ahead. What I need to do is distract myself as much as possible with happy things. Things that make me laugh, video games...and I think I'll even tan while I'm there. *gasp* Woo, skin cancer here I come! No really, I just think that sunlight might help. At least I'm not stuck in Alaska or some shit waiting. I'd kill myself.
Off the top of my head, those are the main things I've come up with. Overall I'd just like to be able to survive in Phoenix and keep my head up.
It's 2011, which freaks me out. I've actually put off a "New Years" blog on purpose. I'm terrified of the future. I'm superstitious about 2012, and scared of what's going to happen if the world doesn't end anyway. Time is passing too quickly, and a very unpleasant chunk of my life is approaching. First of all, this Michael going into the army thing. I've chosen a difficult path in life, something I do pretty often, but if I can get through it it'll all be worth it. I'm looking forward to the positive things, like writing letters, which I'm damn good at, but in general really don't like the idea of him being gone for so long. This next year will be almost entirely free for me to work on myself, so I'm making a list of what I'd like to do.
1) Stay in Shape
I'll be miserable in the Phoenix heat, I can tell you that right now. If I don't exercise I might just sweat undesired weight off. But I'd really like to build some serious muscle, maybe even take some kind of martial arts class if I can afford it. I'd also like to take a gun safety class and learn how to shoot. I feel like having a boyfriend in the army should mean being a badass. I don't want him to come home to a fat lump, that's for sure. And I'd like to feel good about myself, that's the important part.
2) Learn How to Make a Meal
From mostly or entirely scratch, I'd like to get into cooking. My dad lives on a steady diet of ramen and hot pockets and breakfast cereal, which is not something I want to get into. I'm hoping to introduce him to some tastier foods, like Vindaloo and other Eastern cuisine, which can be pretty easy to make.
3) Do Well In School
I'm shooting for counseling as a career. Marriage, Family, or Youth. I've been taking a variety of social science classes here in Prescott just to have a well rounded start. I want to get a sharp direction going towards a career in this next year and know for sure what I'm doing.
4) Not Get Too Depressed
I'm not gonna lie, it's not gonna be easy. Alone in a big city with the parent I've spent much less time with in my life, no Michael, and only Chris and Serra to socialize with. I see a lot of lonely days ahead. What I need to do is distract myself as much as possible with happy things. Things that make me laugh, video games...and I think I'll even tan while I'm there. *gasp* Woo, skin cancer here I come! No really, I just think that sunlight might help. At least I'm not stuck in Alaska or some shit waiting. I'd kill myself.
Off the top of my head, those are the main things I've come up with. Overall I'd just like to be able to survive in Phoenix and keep my head up.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Snow Days
So after Christmas but before New Years it snowed. A lot. I had already been staying at Mikey's but then my car got buried and stuck in the cul-de-sac. Chris and Serra were also over, and the four of us were pretty much snowed in for a good three days. We watched loooots of movies, including Mr. Nobody, which blew my mind and made me cry. I can't tell you what it's about, just watch it if you can find it.
Nemo and Anna
I've missed two days of work because of this crap. Snow is cool but not when it costs me money. And now that the holiday rush is over at The Resort, it's fucking dead. I got sent home two hours early last night because there were too many employees and not enough tables. Bah. At least I'm getting more grant money next semester.
As some of you know I'm probably moving to Phoenix next summer to live with my dad, which will be pretty weird for a while. I have to save some money so I can look for a job there and not freak out while I do so. I was hoping to find my own place or live with Deroy, but I don't think either of us make enough money to pay rent. The weirdest part will be only seeing Michael every couple months/on the holidays for a year while he's in AIT. I don't know how that'll go or what'll happen when he gets back but I am determined to get through it, because I know it'll be worth it if we make it.
Getting ready to hike to Denny's through the snow
I'll probably get used to it but the first while will suck. I have to get used to mailing things; invest in a lot of stamps and shit. I have to distract myself from both being alone and being in Phoenix, aka the left armpit of Arizona (Tuscon is the right). Good thing my dad has a pool!
This is a really old picture of me, Bri, and Mikey in my dad's pool in 2008. It was a really strange weekend actually, because some undesirable people were there and some drama ensued. But the pool times were good, and hopefully there will be more.
So I'll most likely be swimming and working out when I'm not at work or school, or playing games/hanging out with Serra and Chris. To be honest I don't really want to meet new people, even though I know I will. I don't trust anyone from Phoenix if I haven't met them before because most of them are douchebags. Even the females are douchebags. Bleach haired skanky clothed popped collared giant sunglasses wearing douchebags. It really depends on what part of Phoenix we're talking about, I guess, but still. I don't plan on strengthening any new relationships with anyone. I don't want to. I just want get 2011 over with and even most of 2012 to be gone. I want to be 21 and I want Michael to be home and done with AIT. I want to get a career started, too, for sure. Then life can be real, instead of floating around in hell sweating my ass off and waiting.
So I guess I should appreciate the snow, eh?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Last Chunk
I have ignored computers for the last two weeks or so, due to A) Christmas B) Fucking SNOW and C) New Years. So Imma finish up this photo challenge, be done with it, and then write a real entry not pertaining to it.
Day Twenty-Four: A Photo Of What You Want To Be When You Grow Up
First of all, define "grow up," because I don't know if I ever will. I don't plan to. I may get old, I may have a lot of responsibilities, but by no means do I want to "grow up" if it means taking life too seriously and not having fun. On that note, I want to be a Psychologist. (Not to be confused with Psychiatrist, because I do not want to prescribe medicine.)
Oddly enough (or not so oddly, if you know me well enough) pictures of Suicide Girls or just certain models in general inspire me. They remind me to have confidence, that there are all kinds of body types out there and if I'm feeling lazy they remind me to work out and stay sexy haha (I almost never say "sexy," it's weird for me and I laugh every time.)
Day Twenty-Six: A Photo Of Your Favorite Subject In School
The fuck? How do I get a photo of that? I love Psychology. And writing. And day twenty four and this blog proves both of those.
Day Twenty-Seven: A Photo Of Something You Are Looking Forward To
Day Twenty-Four: A Photo Of What You Want To Be When You Grow Up
First of all, define "grow up," because I don't know if I ever will. I don't plan to. I may get old, I may have a lot of responsibilities, but by no means do I want to "grow up" if it means taking life too seriously and not having fun. On that note, I want to be a Psychologist. (Not to be confused with Psychiatrist, because I do not want to prescribe medicine.)
Day Twenty-Five: A Photo That Inspires You
Day Twenty-Six: A Photo Of Your Favorite Subject In School
The fuck? How do I get a photo of that? I love Psychology. And writing. And day twenty four and this blog proves both of those.
Day Twenty-Seven: A Photo Of Something You Are Looking Forward To
Writing letters, getting letters, phone calls, visits, him finally coming home.
In other words...
Spending the rest of my life with this fool.
Day Twenty-Eight: A Photo of Something/Somebody That Made Your Day
I watched "The Town" last night, finally. The two characters in the picture are best friends, and there's a short conversation that was both awesome and made me laugh my ass off.
Ben Affleck: I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later and we're gonna hurt some people.
Jeremy Renner: ....Who's car we takin'?
That's friendship, right there. Love it. Totally made my night.
Day Twenty-Nine: A Photo Of Your Favorite Person From History
I'm having trouble with this one. I'm not exactly history-savvy or anything, and I can only think of stereotypical people. I probably have a favorite but on the spot like this I can't think of one, just stereotypical men like Martin Luther King Jr, or John F. Kennedy. I've come across some badasses but I'm just not sure at the moment...
Day Thirty: A Photo You Find Beautiful
I like to look at pretty women :)
THE END! I'M DONE!
Except for the halfassed few up there...I'll come back if I remember.
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