Day 4: Religion

I would definitely call myself an Agnostic at this point. Not an Atheist. Religion is kind of a touchy subject for me because it's always been just below the surface of my life as a source of confusion and sometimes fear. Mostly I'm afraid that nothing happens when we die and there is no Deity(s) watching over the world from some spiritual plane of existence. It drives me nuts that all religions seem to insist that they're correct. I say, how do you know? Because the longest game of telephone ever that is the Bible told you so?

Do you know what happens in telephone? It's a game of miscommunication. Information is relayed from person to person and the message is passed on, even if it is heard incorrectly, so that by the time it gets to the last person the original message isn't even close to what it was in the beginning. And I think it's like that with the Bible. Things have been passed on, revised, rewritten, cut out and retold so many times I can only think of it as a bunch of stories to give you something to think about, not actual fact. Call me blasphemous or whatever, I don't care. I spent about eight months studying Christianity because I wanted to know what the big fuss was about, and all I decided when I left was that Religion is what you make of it. Religion is given power through the people/

Who, by the way, also bother me a lot. On the surface is a group of kind forgiving people who just want to have some innocent wholesome fun. But below that is a group of people who will tell you you will go to hell if you don't believe what they do and pretty much insult you until you give in or leave. I can't stand it. That, and I know some people who can't have a simple conversation without bringing up God. It makes me really uncomfortable, because although I don't deny the existence of a God, I don't need it to be brought up and pushed on me unnecessarily.


But after all of that, I'm still the kind of person who occasionally prays quietly (and seldomly) to myself "just in case" and believes in reincarnation. I've also delved into Wicca and touched on Buddhism, as well as gone to a few churches just to see how it was. I can't go to church anymore. Period. It makes me pretty uncomfortable. I don't like chanting or being forced to answer or agree to something I don't necessarily agree with or believe. So I'm doing my own thing. I think that if there is a God, He or She or It knows me well enough to know why I do what I do and why I don't go to church. I don't think you have to to be religious anyhow. I just want to live my life and learn, not worry about what happens afterwards and be constantly apologizing for mistakes to someone I don't know is there or not.

And with that, I'm off to PV to see my boyfriend perform at a talent show. :)