The Recent Hiatus

I knew I hadn't written in a while but it's been over a week now since my last entry, which is just strange. On one hand, I've been kind of putting off doing that vlog day in my challenge till I feel up to it, while on the other I finally started working about a week ago.
It wasn't official until Monday, really, and I haven't made much of a deal out of it because all it is is standing at a kiosk and bothering people to buy body jewelry. It's not so bad, but I'm not totally in love with it either. The girl in the picture is a coworker named Rose who I get along with as it turns out, and so by the rules of my life as an Army wife she can't stay; she announced she was moving to Texas this week and is probably on her way right now. I've given up on getting close to people here as it's close to impossible.
The other reason is the few people I follow on blogger hardly ever write. Half the time I log in is to see if anyone I know in person has posted anything, and it's rare these days if they do. So I just let myself drop out of the blogger universe for a while. Can't say when my next entry will be, either. I'm about to work an eight hour shift today and have six hours to work tomorrow; maybe the next day too depending on the schedule.
I update my instagram quite a bit since it's an easy quick thing to do, and I always have a queue going on Tumblr, so if anyone really needs me I'm easy to find.

On another note, the chances of Michael and I visiting for Memorial Day are now slim to none, something I'm really sad about. My 21st is coming up but I'll probably be stuck here, yet another miserable fact. If I somehow can't make it home for Supai this summer I may just go bury myself until we can move back to Arizona entirely. It's good to be working so I can help pay for things and we can maybe start saving some money, but I was hoping it would be enough for Memorial Day. I guess it was too late. Passes are due Monday and we can't really afford plane tickets. We'll see.

Well this has been a quickly depressing entry by yours truly. I think I'll stop while I'm ahead.

Day 23: Music and Photo Flashback (aka: I Can't Sleep)

It's 11:30 and I'm guessing the Monster I drank today is keeping me wide awake. I'm usually at least in bed close to sleep by now, but instead I'm bathing in monitor light thinking about the past, something I do so much it should be illegal.
So I thought I might as well try to put a positive spin on it and post some cute old pictures of me and some music I used to listen to or just songs that remind me of times without responsibilities.

Look how fucking cute my hair is. LOOK AT IT. It's almost enough to make me take this photo in to the nearest Korean stylist (because pretty much all barber shops are run by Koreans here) and chop all my hair off. Almost. My friend Steph used to cut my hair pretty much all through high school and I had these super cute edgy bangs and hair that was never much longer than my shoulders.
I have a shit ton of photos from when I thought I was really cool and took like 30 photos of myself at a time. Some of them aren't that bad though. I had super cute hair and pulled the occasional genuine smile.
It's actually inspired me to start wearing my contacts again (haven't bothered in months) and keep working out in hopes of getting my teenage body back (which let's face it, probably won't happen simply for scientific reasons).


But just for fun here's a song I always heard at school dances and takes me back to those awkward moments of that once-worn dress and camera flashes in my face.


Here's another favorite photo of mine; that genuine smile I mentioned. I can't remember where I was but following this is a set of pictures with an ex boyfriend. (Why do I still have them? Because I'm lazy, mostly, and they're not gross or anything.)
My hair was all whispy and I'd started putting in two short but super cute ponytails and it looked all scene and Asian-y. I look pretty happy so I guess I must've been. It looked like it'd been a good day. As for age I'd have to say fifteen, almost sixteen.
I remember listening to a lot of Tool in early high school, and I actually can't listen to it anymore. It puts me in the weirdest state of mind that I can't stand to be in since. Instead here's a song that I feel guilty for liking.

Here's a picture from a really weird night. I remember bits and pieces, which is more than I can usually say for most of my high school career. I just have a really bad memory.
That Monster was crazy huge and not all that good, and that's coming from someone who likes just about every Monster. I haven't seen one of those heavy metal ones for literally years, as old as that makes me feel to say.
I was in this phase for a long while where I thought it was super cool to edit out most of the color in a photo to highlight one or two things. In this case, my eye and the giant can.
It was one of those nights where I was along for the ride because it was better than being at home alone. But looking back I should've stayed home, or found a different way out.
It wasn't awful, I didn't end up in a gutter or anything, just one of those times I'm not all that proud of.







This song is the theme of one very drunken night. I guess it's a good memory, mostly awkward, but I'm trying to think of semi-positive things. And at least it was one of those laugh-about-it-nervously-later things. Man I was confused about myself alllll through those years. One day I wanted to die, one day I was ecstatic, the next I was confused about sexuality...you know, high school. Standard bullshit.

But I have to admit I was such a sucker for 90's and like early 2000's ballads. Music videos with like ripped overalls and someone sitting in front of a window looking at the rain outside, or standing on a roof walking through white laundry hanging to dry. Cheesy shit. Semisonic, Third Eye Blind, Spin Doctors, Coldplay, Train had some of my favorites, even if they were one hit wonders.



I haven't heard this song in years but when I pressed play I still knew all of the words. Plus, who doesn't love a good breakup song? I think my teenage years revolved around them. They're the kind of songs you crank when you're alone and sing to with no shame. Those are the best.

Well I think I oughta put my nostalgia (and myself) to bed now and just try to think of the good times instead of the bad ones, which always come up first.

A Quick Post

Michael and I went to the mall the other day and I decided to apply at every other place there for a job. It's a small mall though, about the size of Prescott's.
Lo and behold I got an interview within 24 hours! Granted, it's nothing impressive--one of those stand alone kiosks, but it's something.
If you're thinking I should take out my piercings, I'm considering it, but the kiosk sells body jewelry...So does it matter? Maybe. I can't find my clear lip retainer at the moment.
I'm not that nervous, it's getting there in the first place that worries me. Michael swings by during his lunch break sometime in the afternoon. Generally the same time, but he's often late. Having only one car it's kind of important that he gets back so I can head out and be impressively early.
It'll be really nice to have the extra money. I should've been working from day one but I've been in this stupor, and any other job I applied for never gave me the time of day. I'm thinking I'll just save everything I make for our trip home memorial day weekend. But that's assuming I get the job.
Standing around, talking to people about body jewelry and using a register? Does not sound difficult at all. My last job was much much more demanding. So here's hoping this guy hiring likes me.

Update: 4/18 I got called in for a trial shift! I was pretty nervous during the interview so I'm a little surprised he called me. I've never been a salesman before which made him skeptical, but I do have a lot of piercings and I know what I'd want to hear if I walked by one of those things.

I can't remember this guy's name, but I watched him take notes and he wrote from right to left in something that definitely resembled Arabic or Hebrew and it was really distracting. He pushed his pen at me and said "sell me this pen" and I totally bombed it. But I'm a fast learner and he explained things pretty well, so maybe that's what gave him hope.

I go in tomorrow for a few hours to "see how it goes," he says. Hopefully this means I'm hired; I'll put on my happy work face and be awesome just to make sure.

This is good!

Day 22: Games

I love games, but I'm kinda picky. I'm not a big fan of Scrabble (but that doesn't mean I'm not good at it) or a lot of board games, and I don't really like most card games either. Not exciting enough. And when it comes to video games I've never really liked a lot of those first person shooter games (with a few exceptions) but I think a lot of the reason for that is it took me a loooong time to get a hang of Xbox controls and a lot of those games take themselves way too seriously for my liking.

I like games that are either interesting enough to hold my attention, or I can pick up and play any time. Like these!
Just Dance 3 (you can find my opinion on it under the reviews tab) because it's a great work out, though I do get tired of the songs sometimes.
Resident Evil 4; I have kind of an emotional attachment to that game, lots of memories. It's really fun to play with someone.
Rune Factory Frontier; a harvest moon meets dungeons and monsters game that lasts as long as you want it to.
Simple arcade games like Feeding Frenzy, which I've played through many many times.
Beautiful Katamari; I played the first one on ps2 in middle school and really loved it, then finally got this recent edition for the 360 not too long ago.
Catherine, also under my review tab. After a feverish obsession the first few weeks I had it I've taken a break. It's a seriously awesome rage inducing puzzle game.
Plants vs Zombies, because why not? Took me a while to try it but that's another game I got addicted to until I'd beaten it to a pulp.
And of course I love my DS games, because my gaming career all started with a handheld GameBoy. Cooking Mama is fantastic, and I'll probably be playing Pokemon games well past an appropriate time. 

I still consider myself a relatively casual gamer. I'm definitely not dedicated enough to get my gamerscore in the high thousands. Sometimes I just get bored with video games and I don't play anything for weeks, and I definitely cycle through them one a time.

As for other kinds of games, I do love playing with a fairly large group of familiar people. Never have I ever, Thumper, Drenga, mushroom and other silly games (that usually involve alcohol) are some of the things
I've played with people. I like games like Apples to Apples and games that involve unique answers written down by players. It always gets really really funny. We got together and played a lot of games all the time right after high school. I miss those days!

Classic apartment times picture.

Excuse me while I nostalgia really hard.

200th Post: A More Personal Note

It's sort of unofficially my 200th post, not counting any posts I've gone back and deleted. Not much to celebrate really; my audience hasn't expanded much since I started.
So I guess I shouldn't feel weird about making a real personal post for once, instead of following the guidelines of something.
I've been complaining a lot about Oklahoma, but it's mostly due to my own personal mental struggle. I've never been in this situation before. I have a house to clean, dogs to take care of, meals to plan...and beyond that my brain is having a really hard time with.
I've never been good at relationships with anybody. I've pretended to be someone I'm not, changed something unnecessary about myself, done lots of things to fit in and be accepted. I hit a point in my life where I refused to keep doing it. But it didn't cure my anxiety, paranoia, or general awkwardness. Sometimes I put on my "people face" and do what a teacher at my high school liked to preach and Fake It Till You Make It.
It's even worse here, like taking a huge step backwards. Even when people have shown me kindness and reached out I finding myself backing away or flaking out. I like talking to people when they're all around because Michael's invited them, but it's really difficult for me to go out of my way to interact with anyone for one reason or another. I don't like this pressure I'm feeling to concoct a friendship with a stranger out of the blue; I'd pretty much rather stay in touch with who I know are genuine friends back home.
But what bothers me is when people are hypocritical about it. It's okay to point out that I don't try, fair enough. But it's not fair when you don't either. And talking to my husband about it instead of me is weird too, whether you're intoxicated or not.
There's a lot of indirectness here. I don't know if people are scared of me or what, but there's been more than one occasion when the people Michael and I know will just talk over me through texting about anything dramatic that happens. "Tell Chloe my wife says she's sorry" is one example. And it just bugs me, I really don't know what to think about it. I don't want to jump to conclusions and go nuts, I'd rather deal with things head on but most people assume it would be too confrontational.
Emotions are necessary. I believe in expressing them. Maybe that means some tears and a face to face argument, but as long as you get it all out and it's over with it feels so much better than never talking about it. I get emotional, but I can also listen to logic and criticism about myself without completely flipping off the handle. It's being talked about and avoided that turns me into a raging stereotype.
All I'm saying is I have issues, but so does everyone. I just get tired of this weird little dance everyone does trying not to set anyone off. Is it supposed to be polite? Did I ditch one too many "How To Be Human" classes?
Oh wait, those don't exist. Still, this isn't an easy thing. I'm not sure I'll ever get the hang of it, and it really troubles me.

Day 21: Funny Things

I love to laugh. It's the ultimate medicine for me. Ten minutes of laughing can turn a shitty day into a not-so-shitty day or even a much much better day. The people closest to me are the ones that entertain me the most. I love inside jokes and making these people laugh, too.

Honestly my husband makes me laugh really hard like several times a week, and probably will for the rest of our lives. I may or may not have told this story before, but when working at Joann's when I was 16 I ran into a lady who told me to marry someone who makes me laugh above all else. She seemed so happy with her husband and it was a moment that's stuck with me ever since. I know I made the right choice marrying Michael (for lots of reasons); he's so damn silly. Whether it's a sarcastic rant with excellent comedic timing or making a fool of himself in public, he can accidentally to very purposefully make me laugh until tears are running down my face.



This is just one example, and here I'll admit it's mostly Josh (the other guy) that made me laugh playing Just Dance 3. But Michael's not afraid to be ridiculous. He has his childish almost-annoying times, and his really bad jokes I like to call "Dad Jokes" (some of them I can't help but laugh at) but he's just a really funny guy.

In fact, here in Oklahoma Michael is the funny guy. He's started a lot of jokes here and is rubbing off on all his friends. I never realized it, but he and his friends back home are a lot a like. In other words, I know a lot of funny, silly nerds. Michael's the only one out of that group here, and without them he really stands apart.
Here he's doing something he's done before: singing to a metal song in a baby voice. To some, just annoying. To me, endearing.

Anyway, I'll move on. Like many I love a good youtube video. At times I'll peruse for hours, or I'll watch videos recommended to me. As I've mentioned I watch JennaMarbles religiously, every week. Here's this weeks video that I particularly enjoyed:



She's been doing songs a little more often, which some people don't find funny (in this case, Michael) but I can't help it, because I've been following her videos for so long now that I just get her sense of humor. She at least makes me smile, and that's better than nothing.



I of course love a good comedy movie. Sometimes bad ones, just to laugh at how bad it is. Or even movies that aren't meant to be funny but I find hilarious (Twilight). Two weeks ago I had a silly movie marathon. Dude Where's My Car, Bring It On, and other 90's/early 2000's gems. The clip above is from an excellent movie called Charlie Bartlett. It's one of those comedies-with-serious-moments movies, but it's really really good, and it introduced me to Anton Yelchin (Star Trek, Fright Night). This part was sooo damn hilarious because it's just as out of nowhere as it seems.

Other honorable mentions that make me laugh: (click for a clip)
Nick Swardson
Eddie Izzard
Modern Family

Anything that I can quote with my friends is good. Laughter is seriously the best medicine.

A Weekend Home

A couple weeks ago I felt really discouraged here. Some people we invited over caused some unnecessary drama and by the end of the night I was convinced I'd never make any friends.
I really really really really really needed some Arizona time. Originally I thought it would pretty much be a given that Michael get a four day weekend for Easter, but turns out I was wrong. I'd been talking about going to Arizona for Easter weekend for a few months (basically since we got here) and was shocked to find out that Michael couldn't go. He asked if I wanted to go anyway, and I just couldn't pass it up.

Insert "that banana looks like something else" joke here.

Day 1 was completely dedicated to my best friend. She picked me up from the airport and we had a Phoenix adventure. She took me to La Grande Orange for a much needed breakfast, Fresh & Easy for some caffeine and snacks, and BevMo for some yummy drinks. I saw where her boyfriend Chris lives (one big giant man cave if I ever saw one) and where she works. We went to several malls and saw The Lorax.
Towards the end of the day, though, I was having a hard time staying awake. I'd gotten maybe four hours of sleep the night before and we did quite a lot of walking. We went to my dad's house with the intention of watching a movie. I tried to stay up but by eleven I passed out.

Day 2 I was just sooo happy to be in Arizona. I didn't like Phoenix much when I lived there but being in a flat hobunk town made me realize how beautiful it all is. There's scenery here you just can't find anywhere else. I loved the cactus, the layered rocks, the hills, the trees....I saw everything with new eyes. I went out to breakfast with Serra and a friend from Phoenix before getting a ride to Prescott from my dad.
That night I went out to dinner with my family, and Michael's family happened to be at the same restaurant! On top of that I ran into a classmate from a writing class I took at Yavapai. I really missed just running into people I know from different things. It happens all the time there, to the point where you want to hide sometimes, but this time I welcomed it.

Day 3 was Easter, and I ran around trying to see as much family as I could. I went to the Cooks in the morning and had a light breakfast and mimosas, then to cousin Michaela's (always full of people and chaos), back to my mom's for dinner, back to the Cook's to pick up Michael's candy, and finally to Bri's apartment where I sat with Serra, Bri, Jaimie and Brian Lawler on Bri's bed for a few hours just telling stories and laughing a lot. Once again the night before I hadn't slept enough to feel fully rested, and while waiting for Serra to get me to go to Bri's I nearly fell asleep. But I was so determined to party on and see as many people as possible!

(From top left to right and down): My dad and his hummingbird feeder, cousin Melanie, going to dinner, walking to the Cooks, my favorite husky, Michaela, brother and his girlfriend, Bri's house, Robeks with Deroy and B.Lawler before heading back to Phoenix to fly home.

The last day was of course a little bittersweet but I acted like I'd be back soon. Michael gets a four day for Memorial Day weekend and I'm sure he wants to go to AZ. That's not too long from now!
Deroy drove me back to Phoenix but we grabbed some smoothies with Brian before heading out. I would've liked to have seen his brother Stewart as well, but he was already back in Tuscon after visiting Prescott a few days before. It was so nice to just bum around with familiar friends and talk about everything.

It was funny though, because I got asked literally the same exact questions all weekend.
1. How do you like Oklahoma? I don't, I'd answer, and everyone seemed a little shocked that I didn't say I liked it or sugar coat it in the least bit. It's flat, it's ugly, I hate the people and there's little to nothing going on.
2. How's being an army wife? I dunno, I just feel like a normal wife most days but I'm reminded all the time that I'm in this community of crazy women and temporary places.
3. How are the other wives? A few aren't so bad. But I've met several negative stereotypes that make me want to never leave the house for fear of meeting any more of them.
4. How's Michael? He's good, we're good, just stuck in a routine is all. He's in training till Octoberish.

There were a few more, but those are the main ones. I started getting confused about who I'd told what so far and kept repeating myself. That was annoying, but everyone's curiosity was understandable so I dealt with it.

Some cute eggs my sister in law and cousins made.

It was definitely a needed adventure. Aside from a little bit of family drama (which I'd take any day over the shit that goes on here) it was perfect. There were a few more people I would've liked to have seen, but I definitely packed in a lot of fun times. I feel emotionally rejuvenated and more motivated than before, so hopefully I'll come out of this hole I've been hiding in and get some useful stuff done! Still, I'm really looking forward to the next visit to Arizona. 

Day 20: Things I Don't Like

Although I've found it's usually best to keep negative things off a blog like this (so as not to give certain people a real reason to hate me, instead of the reasons they make up) sometimes I just like a good rant to get things off of my chest.

Right off the bat I'll say that I don't watch tv, I'm not a Twilight fan (except when it's ironic and funny as hell), I don't even say the word "McDonalds" much less go there, I hate peanut butter, and I don't believe in fake tans or lashes or nails and most days I don't wear make up. Basic facts. I like it that way.
But some things in the media and our culture still manage to find their way to me, usually through the internet, since that's where I spend a lot of my free time. And I don't know if it's just because I'm getting older or what, but some of it really disgusts/horrifies me.

→Jersey Shore. Why does everyone look like oompa loompas? Why do they hate each other so much? What the hell is this?
→Toddlers and Tiaras. Oo, a show about moms living vicariously through their daughters who in some cases just learned to use the toilet.  Fantastic. Whose bright idea was this?
→Nicolas Cage. Get his weird hair and bland acting off my screen. Forever.
→Napolean Dynamite. That movie will never be funny. Stop.
→Country Music. Either you lost a trailer, a dog, a husband, wife or mistress, I don't care. You are not deep. This is not music. I do not care about your twangy achy boots.
→Wasabi. Green shit that makes everything it touches taste like green shit. It stinks. Keep it away from my perfectly good food. It's not exactly American but we sure have embraced it.
→Just about any music on the radio. It's "popular" because it's catchy, not because it's good music. I can't even.
→Sports. Never ever really cared about people in matching uniforms running from one end of a field to the other. I figure it's their business. Why yell at the TV and hate on fans of other teams? I don't see you out there playing the game.
→Septum piercings. I guess some people can pull them off, sure. But I dunno. Kinda makes you look like a bull about to headbutt someone in a red shirt, cartoon style.

I just wanna take a big squishy hammer and bop his heads down to earn tickets and spend them on an "I hate Cage" keychain.

 And that's about all I have to say on the matter.

A Dose of Corgi: Rainy Day

It finally stopped raining and now it's a puddly muddy mess outside.

Hanging in the kitchen with toys, probably wishing they could go dirty up the carpet.

Corgi wrestling in the yard.

Toki likes to roll around in the grass and dig, so she's especially yucky.

Foxy has a cute curly tail.

Day 19: S/O

A huge storm started up last night and it was so intense! I don't mind a little thunder and I love the sound of rain but man, it really sounded like it struck our backyard a couple of times. Now it's just a low drizzle with the occasional rumble. The dogs love it, but sadly I had make a rule that on days like this they're confined to the tile of the kitchen, where they can dry off and I can sweep up the dirt they drag in. Sigh.

Anyhow, on to day 19, which is about my significant other (s/o). I've done this a few times now, so it's starting to get embarrassing, and on top of that I dedicated a page to it not too long ago when I was making some changes to this blog. It's easy to find out our story, just click the tab that says "The Story of Us"!

Contrast: His junior year of high school and the weekend he graduated basic.

This will be the eighth year I've known Michael; our three year anniversary of being together is this summer and at the end of the year our first year being married. Needless to say we've been through a lot. Lots of good times and a fair share of not so good times. It wasn't until Michael signed up for the army that we really learned to hold on and appreciate each other. Now we really are better than we ever were. I mean that.
I have a hard time staying mad at him (for whatever reason) for longer than a few hours. We've gotten pretty good at just dealing with problems head on and being able to tell each other exactly what we feel. It's amazing how much we've progressed and gone from the average teenage couple to real long term committed adults (though I say adults loosely because we're both still kids at heart).

Michael has an endless curiosity and can make just about anyone laugh. He likes to make food but he doesn't really like to clean up afterwards. The only big problem we have sometimes is misinterpreting each other. If I sigh at the wrong time and I'm really just taking a breath, he thinks I'm copping attitude, and when he's just trying to explain something to me I think he's talking down to me. We're pretty quick to clarify situations and just get over it, though.

Although I'm really sad how far away I am from friends and family, I'd be just as sad without Michael around. We're so in tuned to each other we can speak our own jibberish and guess each others thoughts, and we help each other see perspectives we'd never think of on our own. Before I moved here he was living in the barracks, which are like strict college dorms with lots of rules and unpleasant roommates. He was getting really miserable, and I needed him too. Even though I'm having a difficult time adjusting to the situation, I'm reminded all the time how grateful I am to be here with him.

Thanksgiving weekend when he proposed; sharing horchata.

He's just my awesome ridiculous other half and I'll never want anyone else in the entire world.

Day 18

I wanted to think of something a little more unique to do for this day instead of just listing random stuff I do that most people do, so I made a little doodle. It's kind of crap but that's my doodling for you.
So I do like to draw, just once in a while, and usually in a sketch book with my headphones in. I did a lot more often when I was younger because it was one of those escape activities I did that made me feel better when I was having a terrible day.
I can draw pretty well when I try, and I'm best at looking at a picture and copying it. I drew a few pictures from some of my favorite mangas that way.
Other hobbies represented here are listening to a wide range of music, playing video games, taking pictures of friends with my becoming-outdated digital camera, watching movies and of course writing.
I do think watching movies is a hobby, and not just an activity, because Michael and I tend to take it to a new level and sometimes feel like film snobs. We like to pick an actor and have a marathon of movies that actor has been in, or watch movies by the same director, or look up facts about how the movie came to be before even watching it. Winding down at the end of a day almost always involves a movie and dinner or some snacks. I also like to read the book a film was based off of before seeing its movie equivalent.
I don't know why I drew a feather. I just sort of felt like it to fill some space, but I really like drawing flowers like that. Sometimes I just keep drawing petals and vines and fill a whole page with it. The way I drew the word "hobbies" is how I like to doodle a lot of words and names.

Hobbies I wish I could say I still had are playing an instrument and reading a lot of books. It's hard for me to find a good book these days and going to a library is an overwhelming experience for me. I like being recommended a book by a trusted friend because then I know I might enjoy it.
I played the violin for almost ten years, and the cello for two, and occasionally pick up Michael's acoustic bass and try to learn something but without the structure of a class and the pressure of practicing for a concert I just don't have the passion for it anymore. It is a sad thing because it should be just a cool fun thing to do like a lot of people do but I don't know, I just have a hard time committing to it without being a part of a group. I miss it, and I may pick up a cool new instrument someday but I'm not sure.

Well, that's pretty much it for day 18!