Nicknames

When I was little my mom called me Coco, a name of a French clown. Probably because I made her laugh all the time, but what parent doesn't laugh at their child growing up? Children are funny.

But for a long time I never received a nickname I actually liked. My name was still fairly rare when I was young so my nicknames weren't so much nicknames as they were mis-pronunciations. 80% of the time it was a substitute teacher who didn't know how to read. I got "Chole" (like Joel with a Ch), Cleo, Schlo, Ch-low, and others so off I nearly rolled my eyes right out of my head. Is it that difficult? Really?

However, from one of these pronunciations came the first nickname I liked. Ch-loe, which sounds like Cello-ee, and this was okay because my orchestra teacher called me that. I was okay being called my favorite instrument.

Another one I don't like so much is Chloyster. It's based on a Pokemon that looks like a big purple angry oyster. It's stupid. My cousin called me that at first because he thought he was clever, but then it was just to piss me off. I don't like those names that end in -ster. It sounds so frat-tastic. I'm neither a frat boy nor a bro. I don't even have a dick. So don't call me something that implies I do.

It was another long while before I got another nickname I didn't mind. I think it might've been my friend Amy who called me Chlobo once, and it didn't catch on for another few years. Then it was added on to by Random, and Chloboat was born.

In Supai Moose called me Chlotor, and I started using that for a while. There was also Chlobtron in relation to robot sounding names. Not as cool or popular as Chlobo.

So that covers just about all of the screen names I use. Sometimes I use my middle name, and I used to think about going by it but I don't think it would catch on since I've lived here so long.

Day 3 of F.B.C

Frankenstein
Blog
Challenge

Something You're Afraid Of

I have several fears. Spiders, which has turned into more of a hate than a fear, heights, climbing, and small spaces. 

Minus the spiders, this: 

This is almost everything in one, and it was really anxiety inducing to do. I talked about this in my Mojave entry. For some reason when I climb rocks and such I'm terrified of slipping and breaking something because I don't trust myself with that kind of activity. On top of that I've never broken anything, and I don't want to, but you know how sometimes you say you don't want something to happen and it does? Yeah, that's what makes me afraid. I shake, I get dizzy, my muscles won't move etc. But with a little mental preparation I can push through it, which is a good thing to do. It helps to get encouragement when/after facing my fears, too. :)

There you have it. You officially know my weaknesses.

The New Tattoo

Okay, first of all, I had to do something weird to make the photo appear right side up. I thought maybe blogger was bein' silly, so I kept trying to upload the photo. But it was uploading it upside down no matter what I said.

Soooo I saved the edited photo upside down, and tried it again.

It uploaded right side up. Explain that to me.

This is part of a quote most people think was originally said my Dr. Suess, when it fact, it was originally said by a rather average man called Bernard Baruch. Don't get me wrong, I like the Dr. Suess version too:

"Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." 

Despite certain peoples impression that I just got this tattoo because I wanted to get it out of the way to start on other tattoos (which I suppose is a little true) this has a lot of meaning to me.

I'm sick and tired of changing for people, of worrying what they think, of trying to go out of my way and do things I wouldn't do of my own freewill to make sure they have a good opinion of me. I'm sick of being misunderstood, of being told to "snap out of it" and not getting the support I need from friends who aren't really my friends. Most of all I'm sick of being judged for my actions and decisions.

I decided to be myself and forget anyone who isn't happy when I do something they don't like. It's my life, and when everyone else comes and goes the one person I'll always have is me, and maybe that sounds a little selfish, but I think it can't be any more true. It's relationships that are selfish. It's "what's in it for me," and "you owe me," even when its unspoken.

So fuck it, accept me for who I am and what I do or I don't need you in my life. Because those who matter don't mind who I am.

Your First Love

Well, this is a little tricky. There are a lot of technical questions to ask. The first person you had feelings for? The first person you had mutual feelings with? I'm one of those people that has fallen in love too easily. I've had trust issues in the past, but I have the ability to see the good in anyone. My life has been all about love. I guess you could say I love being in love. I've rushed things, stayed when I should have gone, and changed myself for someone else to try and make them like me. Needless to say, I've learned to stop doing all of these things, because they've gotten me stuck in some pretty bad situations.

But when I decide I love someone, no matter what happens, they tend to always have a place in my heart, and so it's hard to forget them. I don't try to, I just find another way to process the feeling. I change it into something else, try to remember the good times, and move on with my life. I don't dwell on exes for a terribly long time. I'm sad for a while, but eventually I get past it.

But the one person I dwelled on the longest was my first love, who, however hard this may be to believe, was Stewart. Everyone forgets about that, but I never will. He was my childhood sweetheart. I held onto him emotionally for years. And later in life we both agreed that even though we were young, it was something special, something hard to find. We got each other through an awkward part of life. For almost two years we were inseparable, which just doesn't happen so early on.

I wish I had an old picture to put up; its one of those things I'd have to take a picture of an old picture to do, but there are some cute ones. There's one of us at a Halloween dance, and I'm hunched over because I'm taller than him.

It was a relationship based on our own little world. Symbols were incredibly important. We had these necklaces we always wore to represent each other. We had a secret written language. Obviously we weren't mature enough to have anything physical, but what we had was better than some of the future relationships I had that involved a physical aspect.

I'll admit there was a point where he really hurt my feelings. It had to end some time because we had our whole lives ahead of us. We weren't supposed to stay together our whole lives. It was really tough getting used to life without him so close, but I did it.

I think out of all the people I know and see on a semi-regular basis, I've known him the longest, which is really weird to think about. Things are really different. We're all grown up. But I don't think either of us will forget that once upon a time, we were important to each other.

The 140 Mile Journey Pt. 2

Now where was I? 

Ah, days three and four. 

Photo by Sarah Ramm

So by this point my camera has died, and I brought my ipod in case I got reeeally bored and wanted to listen to some music, but I decided to use its camera ability instead. Surprisingly, the new ipod touch takes some pretty damn decent outdoor photos, and was therefore optimal for this photo happy trip. 

We stopped here for lunch on day two. It was near perfect weather, so Mikey and I took the opportunity to dry our wet stuff, which worked pretty well. Sarah made everyone some yummy chicken salad, and I would've had some Nutella if it hadn't gotten so cold it was nearly solidified.
Day three was all about the photos, really. I got some cute pictures of all of the dogs, and we went to what seemed to be an old mine site. The clouds were just surreal that day; they looked like paintings. I feel like this is what anyone who has never been to the southwest pictures it, with all the cactus and sand and pretty skies. When the weather wasn't crappy it really was pretty.

Later on we came across an interesting marker. A flagpole, with the United States flag and a sadly torn "Don't Tread On Me" flag, sat rather randomly along the trail, accompanied by a decorated metal box. In this box was a thick notebook, where obviously travelers have stopped at and written in.
(I took a picture of a really funny signature I had to point out to everyone else later. "Kris stuck it in my pooper on the Mojave Trail. Matt.")
So we signed and dated our own little moment on the Mojave Trail. I added "IT'S COLD!!!" to emphasize the time of year, because damn, it was cold the entire time.
We ran across more weird junk. A lone chimney, obviously the only thing left standing from a (probably) torn down house. A rusty bed frame.
By then we'd covered quite some distance, and it was about time to set up camp.

This was how we set up every night. The orange tarp was an addition after the first or second night to block the wind, which made a nice little safety area to eat dinner and play games. The Cooks have this amazing ability to be comfortable wherever they go. I'm loving camping more and more for several aspects:
a) Getting away from all technology
b) Not worrying about all those pesky possessions except the ones that matter
c) All the wandering and discovering
Okay, that sounds super gay and hipster. I don't know, I'm just getting a lot more out of it than I used to. It helps being with cool people when you go. I didn't even feel all that gross like you normally do when camping, since it was so cold I didn't sweat much and when I did it didn't have the chance to sit and make me smell bad.
Aaanyway dinner was pure sodium that night. We had a discussion about how bad it was for us. Packaged flavored mashed potatos, canned meat/chicken (chicken if you were smart like Rah and I) and corn. Salty salty salty. Add sugary drinks and alcohol and I'm fairly sure I gained weight on this trip. Fantastic. Good thing I have Wii Fit.

It was chilly and windy that night, but thankfully it only rained for a little bit, and not as hardcore as it did the first night.
But I was so cold I bitched out on seeing the first landmark of day three, this rock pile you see on the left. It may not look like much, but it's a damn big pile. You're supposed to leave your own rock there.
It sits on Soda Lake, which isn't as much of a lake now as it is a pile of muddy salt. That's what all the white stuff is. Salt. Kinda crazy. I stayed in the car while everyone got out and took pictures. I had Michael take this one.

Our next stop was this creepy place called Zyzyx in California. According to the sign of facts, it was once a religious mineral spa and resort started by a priest. Mikey and I thought this was just code word for Cult. There were empty bath houses, rooms and stale water. What's left now is a small gift shop and some rooms for college students to stay in. For some reason. I forgot...
I got some really interesting photos here. I put a few up on my DeviantArt, once again, so follow the link from Part 1 and have a look.

Day three was amazing. The rain went away and the wind settled down, and we stopped by this place with sand soft like at a beach, minus the body of water. Mikey and I let our sleeping bags dry out completely. We buried him in the sand and made him a sand mermaid!
And I read Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk in one day. Michael had finished it and I wanted to see what the fuss was about. Honestly, I didn't really like it. Just not my kinda book.
I was so busy trying to finish the book though, I missed out on taking videos/pictures of the quicksand we came across. Luckily Sarah took one!

It kinda freaked me out at first because Mikey went in that first hole and kept sinking, and we didn't know how far it went. I don't know why I was worried; it's not like he was totally helpless and we had Chris Ramm with us. That's good news in any bad situation.

So we pressed on and found ourselves a camping spot next to a mesa. All of our stuff was finally dry, the weather was great, and it was a good night. We'd covered a lot of ground that day and were almost to the end of the trail. From where we were we could see the road between Vegas and Los Angeles, all light up with cars. There was a train nearby, too, and we would hear it occasionally. I drank the last Smirnoff and since it was my last night drinking freely underage I added some alcohol to my alcohol. That's right. We all had more to drink than we had the whole trip. I slept awesome.

So that morning we climbed the mesa we parked next to. A little nerve wracking for me. We did see a tortoise though, which was cool. We didn't have much further to go, so it was a little sad.
We reached our last landmark shortly: Camp Cady. This marked the end of our trail. We had completed 140.4 miles across the Mojave Desert. I'd feel a little more accomplished if I'd been driving or Mikey had been driving but it's still a fun thing to say you've done.

There wasn't too much to see at said Camp Cady, though. Some crazy trees. Broken glass. A couple old bricks representing the remains of a wall. The smokestack of the old train was cool however. Pretty sure it was rusted cast iron.
After that, we got onto the interstate to head home. It was really weird being on an actual road again I started to get carsick almost immediately, and we had a little trouble discovering just what route to take home. Rah's radio was kinda breaking, too, though thankfully it wasn't as important to keep in touch.
We were looking for an A&W to have some fast food as is tradition after epic trips, but settled with a Tommy's instead.

Tommy's was disgusting. They're a burger joint, and for some ungodly reason they put chili on everything. Chili fries, chili burgers, chili breakfast sandwiches, chili breakfast burritos...I hesitantly tried a chili burger, and could only eat half for two reasons:
1: It was so greasy the grease was soaking through two layers of wrappers. It was really unappetizing.
2: I was surrounded by the morbidly obese patrons of the restaurant. It's really hard to eat gross food while looking at people who have probably eaten too much of it.

My stomach hurt for a little while afterward, and I settled for a Cliffbar to hold me off till dinner at Chili's (ironically) in Kingman. I've never been to Kingman before, but it isn't bad. The view is really nice. I wish I'd gotten a picture, but I was paranoid about my ipod dying at this point, and was trying to stop whipping it out at every opportunity by this point.

Three more hours, and we were home, exhausted and ready for a shower. It sucked coming home to snow. After the epic snow in December, I was so done with it. I guess we missed the worst of it though, which is good, but it's supposed to snow again tomorrow! Agh!

I can't believe I ever thought about living in Flagstaff.

So there you have it! Overall it was a really good trip. Way better than staying home. I skipped a day of class but it was worth it, and I've already made up for the notes I missed.

Here are some extra pictures:

The Meaning Behind My Blog Name

Well, it's a play on words based on a song title, and here it is:

Michael and I just discovered where the audio clip came from, actually. It's from a scene in a movie called "Strange Days." Pretty odd movie, apparently. I have yet to see it.

Anyhow, the message is pretty obvious and simple. I write about things happening right here, right now!

The 140 Mile Journey Pt. 1

February 18th at 7am I got in the car with Michael, his parents, and two of their dogs to head to Nevada and follow the entire Mojave Trail through the Mojave Desert. In their jeep followed Michael's sister and her husband with their two pitbull mixes: Lily and Amber. I was so ready to be out of the house and so excited to go on vacation I had trouble sleeping the night before we left. Just like before Supai. We woke up at five to have breakfast and I was so sleep deprived I slept a lot of the way to Nevada.

I woke up just when we were entering Laughlin.  Laughlin is like if Vegas never got big. It's a little eerie and outdated, and when we were there we saw a lot of road construction. I didn't pay much attention to it. We stopped at a gas station just before stopping at "point zero" at the Colorado River. "Point Zero" is also known as our "Point A." I guess Michael's dad wanted to make sure we did the whole trail exactly as we should. To stay in touch with the Ramm jeep, we had these nifty radios to talk to each other. On top of that, Michael's mom had a travel guide with detailed instructions on taking the Mojave trail, right down to strange landmarks. I noticed if you want to take this journey, you better be prepared. Don't go alone, pack a little more than you need, and prepare for all situations. If any family is good at doing this, it's the Cook family, so there was no point during the trip in which I was worried about surviving. Thus we began Day One of our journey.

Teddy Bear Choya Cactus

After the Colorado River, our first stop was a little trail for some scenic photo opportunities. We saw our first petroglyphs here and it was probably the best weather we saw until the last day or so. For whatever reason, I can't make Blogger put two pictures next to each other. God forbid.

We had lunch after this, which was just a large snack of cheese, meat, crackers and the option of sandwiches. Michael's dad had bought another six pack of Smirnoff coolers and put it in the back next to the dogs, and when they opened the back it wasn't much of a surprise that because of the bumpiness of the road we were on two of them busted. We're pretty sure Chaos drank them, because she was sick for the first few hours of the trip. The goal of every day was to find a camping spot, but we made a lot of stops along the way. Our first couple stops were ruins of places that had been there a long time ago. Fort Piute, made in 1867 and lasting nearly into the 1930s was one of the first landmarks we saw. It was pretty much just a trail of rocks to low walls of more rocks. The kind of thing you see as a kid that adults try to explain in an interesting way, but you don't really listen because all you see is rocks. Yep.  Just like that.

Joshua Tree

 It was around then that we entered the Joshua Tree Forest. Joshua trees are very strange. They look like something Dr. Suess came up with. Like a cross between a cactus and a palm tree. The other plant life mingling with the Joshua trees were Mojave Yucca, which look about as you'd imagine if you've ever seen a yucca plant. Short, squat, with big pointy green leaves. Everything was pretty pointy in the Joshua tree forest. And it never seemed to end.
We made spontaneous stops at anything out of the ordinary. There was a lot of creepy junk, like really old rusty bed frames and shot up pieces of rusty metal. The most interesting thing we saw in the forest though was the bus. Next to the remains of another trashed rusted car was a trashed rusted bus. It appeared as if it crashed. Horribly. And after that it was a victim of who or whatever came along. It had been shot at, written on, and used as a home. There was trash everywhere, but also an armchair, which was so odd I took a picture.

I edited this one and put it up on my DeviantArt, which I haven't been to in forever. I just did an update and added both pictures from the trip and random pictures I like that I've taken through time. It is here.
So the Joshua Tree forest went on for a while, and sundown was getting closer and closer. We needed to find a clear enough site to camp at, and not a wash. In case you don't know what a wash is, it's pretty much a soft chunk of sand where water has traveled repeatedly. You don't want to camp in them in case it rains, because the water would easily uproot and soak all of your stuff and it would not be pretty. Sarah was getting tired of looking for a spot and suggested a wash because she figured it wouldn't rain and it would just be comfortable. But...

As we set up camp, it was pretty clear that rain was on its way. Sarah made us some delicious yellow chicken curry, because we had stoves and shit, and at that point all we wanted to do was get in our tents and go to sleep. The wind was getting angry and cold.
And then it started raining. And raining. I woke up to rain hitting my face, and realized that because of the wind, the rain was getting underneath the rain fly of the tent and soaking our stuff. Mikey and I curled into a single ball trying to escape the wet.
It was a damn unpleasant first night. We all got up, teeth chattering, wind still blowing, and had the quickest breakfast possible of snacks and bagels before getting the fuck out of there. It was so cold. Don't even get me started on how much it sucked having to take a piss in the middle of a stormy night in the desert.

This was when Mikey came to the sad realization that he was very underprepared. I mean, I had sort of been expecting nicer weather too, but I still brought a couple long sleeve shirts, a few light jackets and my hardcore cholo coat. And boots, definitely boots and socks. But Mikey had one pair of pants, one light hoodie and sandals. This is why, in a lot of pictures, you'll see him wearing my low cut girly sweater with the rest of his layers. He needed it more than I did. But I'm pretty sure that my cholo jacket saved my life. As in literally, which I will get to when I go into the second night of the trip.
We were all pretty cold and miserable, so we drove around for a bit thawing out. And for a while, it was snowing, which is a weird thing to see in a desert. It's not that I thought it wasn't possible, I just never thought I'd see it.We finally stopped at an official camp spot (not to camp, because that's cheating) and found one of those visitor places with some souvenirs and maps and all

that jazz. Rah and Mah bought some Joshua tree seeds for a dollar. I left my wallet at home, which was probably good because I probably would've bought something unnecessary, like a jackrabbit stuffed animal (one of the only wildlife I saw the entire time, aside from a tortoise and a half dead lizzard). After that we decided to go on a (very cold) walk around Hole In The Wall Canyon. For a while it was just a lot of landscape, but then we got to the canyon itself. According to the informative sign at the end of the trail, the rocks were formed from volcanic ash and smoke so many years ago.

It got interesting but a little confusing when the trail seemed to taper off in two directions. We weren't sure if we were going the right way. It was nice down there though; there was a little stream and so there was actually green grass. There's a funny picture of me somewhere Michael's mom took chillin' in a little cavern I found. Anyway, it turned out we had to follow a narrow path and climb some rocks, which made me really nervous. At two points there were metal rings that had been installed to help you climb up the rocks, which I didn't like at all. It combined several of my fears at once. It took some mental preparation but I made it. Obviously. I didn't have a choice so I made myself do it. I definitely had a smirnoff after that. In fact, I think I drank most of them during the trip. Not that I drank all the alcohol. We're talking about the Cooks here. They came prepared with several flasks of different kinds of alcohol: vodka, whisky, and two kinds of tequila. We were set.

So after the hike we had our snack time, and by this time my camera died so there's a chunk of the day missing on my part. This picture here is the overlook we found. Turns out the one hole through the canyon wall we saw lead to it. It must've been where water pooled during storms, because it was really grassy at the bottom. If we had somehow gotten in there, though, it looked difficult to impossible to get out, which I think is why the fences were there.
Michael and I tried to take this opportunity to dry our very wet sleeping bags, but right as we got them set up it started getting windy and wet again, so we had to pack up and leave.
This presented a problem. Did we want to sleep in wet sleeping bags? No. Did we want to get rained on again? No. So we thought we would solve this by sleeping in the truck. It seemed like a good idea.
It really wasn't though.
Halfway through the night we were too cold to sleep. All I had blanket wise was my jacket, and Michael hardly had anything. My feet were frozen. We decided we'd slept enough, and Michael joined me in the back, where we were much warmer scrunched together. My jacket covered both of us, and I really think I would've gotten sick or something without it. It was so cold. And originally Michael had said I shouldn't bring it, because it would just take up space in the truck. It ended up saving both of us.

So it's taken me forever just to get this much out, and I want to start my new blog challenge, too. Therefore I'm saving days three and four for later! Here's one more picture:

Jack Jack. Isn't he cute? :D

Frankenstein Blog Challenge

So the few other blog challenges I've tracked down have a lot of stuff I've already done, so what I decided to do is search the internet for what I feel are the best/most interesting bits, put 'em all together and do that. Hence the "Frankenstein" title.

Day 1: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name
Day 2: Your First Love
Day 3: Something You're Afraid Of
Day 4: Your Nicknames
Day 5: Something You've Learned
Day 6: What's In Your Bag? Things You Don't Leave Your House Without
Day 7: Something That Stresses You Out
Day 8: Something You Could Never Get Tired Of Doing
Day 9: Things You Crave a Lot
Day 10: 10 Things You Want To Do Before You Die
Day 11: An Animal You'd Love To Have As a Pet
Day 12: Pet Peeves/OCD Habits
Day 13: Your Favorite Book(s)
Day 14: Your Favorite Song(s)
Day 15: Your Favorite Movie(s)
Day 16: Your Motto: Words You Live By
Day 17: Favorite Quotes
Day 18: Something You Want To Buy
Day 19: 3 Wishes
Day 20: List 20 of Your Favorite Things
Day 21: Your Dream House
Day 22: A Song Matching Your Mood
Day 23: A Photo Of Yourself From Three or More Years Ago
Day 24: A Bad Habit You Wish You Didn't Have
Day 25: Places You've Traveled To
Day 26: Favorite Super Hero(s)
Day 27: Songs You Listen To In Different Moods
Day 28: Something You Are Recently Proud Of
Day 29: Your Earliest Memory
Day 30: Things That Make You Think "What If I Had___Instead of___"

Since I'm about to leave town, I don't know if I should start it right now or not. I just wanted to make the list and have it ready when I am. It actually took a while to put together. And if anyone wants to do it too, feel free.

I can't wait to leave the world behind and go camping! I replaced the bladder in my "Camelback" which is actually a knockoff brand called High Sierra. The bite was leaking and in Supai this was kind of okay because it was fairly hot. But it's still kinda cool, and I didn't really want to go through the hassle of elevating the tube when I'm not drinking/don't want my right boob soaked. So I bought a new water bag altogether. It's purdy, and I'm excited to have it.

So I'm getting up at five or so tomorrow and headin' to Nevada! I don't know who actually keeps up with my blog; it's mostly just for my sake, but I bid you Adios.

Lady Gaga Covers: My Personal Favorites

I ran across this video today:

She has such a fantastic voice and she hasn't even hit puberty yet. I have to admit that I like Lady Gaga. She's actually talented without all the technology which is what makes me respect her. Her newest song is also really positive, which I like. But she's also seems to be the most selected artist to cover. I've come across a lot and it made me think about what my favorites were. So here are some more awesome Gaga covers:

Day 28: Something That You Miss

My theme song for the night after being spontaneously called into work:

So, as the 30 day challenge nears the end, today I write about something I miss. I miss people I haven't seen or talked to in a while. People who don't know I miss them. Lots of people. Childhood friends, friends I only had for a short time, friends I made in college I don't see anymore, and friends I've gotten in fights with, made up with, but still never saw again. I'm really terrible at staying in touch with people, and I feel like it's my biggest flaw. I would love to stay close to numerous people throughout my entire life, but unfortunately it's such a difficult feat that no matter how much I like to write I somehow just can't do it. I think about these people from time to time when something reminds me of them, probably more often than they think. Most of all I wonder if they still think about me.
So many people come and go, each one of them unique, each one of them with something to teach us, big or small. I believe people can't or don't stay in my life because they have already taught me something, and I don't need them anymore. That doesn't mean I don't want them anymore. Big difference there, between need and want. When I realized I had something to learn from people, good or bad, I started stepping back and trying to figure out what it was when our time in each others lives was over, at least for a while. It's a very enlightening thing to do. I've come to realize that every person serves a purpose, and not very many of them can stay after fulfilling that purpose. A select few may have a lifelong purpose, and those people will stay in your lives until you force them out (but you shouldn't).
Still, I miss those come-and-gone people. They've made me laugh, they've made me think, they've helped me grow, and positive or negative I silently thank all of them for shaping me as a human being.

And with that, I bid you all goodnight.

Love, Marriage, Babies and the Like

Ever since I got out of High School, it's been two years of people getting knocked up, engaged, married, and even divorced. Dying, too, which breaks my heart but it happens. Life is all out of order.

I just don't get it. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll be a mother someday, but I place heavy emphasis on someday. I don't understand the people who go through with having kids so early, or the girls who want to have kids this early. I get the whole, "whoopsie, I'm pregnant" thing to an extent, but some people, some crazy crazy women out there, do it on purpose. "Wouldn't it be great if I had -insert innocent males name here-'s baby?" or "My birth control isn't working too well these days, I guess this means I'll wait several months before--oh would you look at that I'm pregnant!" I swear it happens. Why? Why is it a good thing to give up a life of possibilities and root yourself to one purpose?

I'm so sick of hearing about pregnant woman I'm about to have morning sickness. Why does everyone else need to know about every little thing? Do we need to know that you got up in the middle of the night to pee for the billionth time? No. Do we need to know how wide your vagina is? No. You're still pregnant, we get it. You're gonna be pregnant till you finally have the thing. Maybe I just don't find it interesting because I haven't done it yet, but I don't see the appeal in sharing all the hairy details. It's gross. Keep that stuff to yourself. Kicks and movements I understand. That's exciting. Telling everyone when you get sick is not.

Children take dedication, especially in the first few months. I respect the women who end up doing it on their own, and maybe there's no such thing as "being ready" but there really are certain people in the world who shouldn't reproduce. Personally I want to have a steady paying career and a comfortable place to live and preferably a husband to team up with before I decide to take on the responsibility of children.

Which brings me to my next subject of bother. I hate seeing all of these kids my age getting married practically for the fun of it, because hey, there's always divorce, right? Seriously, whatever happened to "till death do us part"? Seems like now it's just "till I can't stand you anymore." And I've already seen people getting married essentially because of a child/pregnancy. That's not necessarily right, either. I guess I just believe in a certain order, so it's all my bias judgment here, but I don't believe in trapping a guy with a baby and pressuring him to marry you. If I get married, it's once and that's it. None of that "if this is wrong I don't want to be right" bullshit. It'll be right and I'll know it.

Really when you think about it it's all a lot of crazy selfishness we're supposed to have in order to keep the human race going. Love is a chemical imbalance in our brains; relationships are based on "getting something out of it" for ourselves and children are a guarantee of having someone in our life that has to love us, and we need that. I can sort of understand people forcing it all and trying to look happy with it. I for one would rather my happy ending come to me, instead of pinning it down with obligations. I guess when it comes down to it marriage is kind of stupid these days and our culture has pissed all over what it stands for, but I still like the symbolism of it and I can't help wanting it. Could just be my biological clock has started ticking and is doing things to my brain, makin' me crazy. Yeah, that's it.

I just felt like attempting to put out some thoughts about this because it keeps. happening. It's hard not to notice. And the older I get the more I'll see it, I'm sure, and that's fine. It just seems so soon and bizarre right now, I can't understand it.

Day 27: A Problem I've Had

Oh boy, here we go, you ready for a rant? I don't know how any of this will sound written out as opposed to spoken (probably stuck up and bitter) so be prepared.

The theme song for this entry:

Since fourth grade, I've had boy related drama. Someone somewhere didn't like that I liked who I liked, or didn't want me to be with who I was with for their own selfish reasons. And usually I didn't hear anything about it until I was suddenly being snubbed because they thought I was selfish. I fully admit that I had little consideration for other peoples feelings when it came to "who I liked," but the friends I had acted like I was supposed to take some kind of survey and make sure everyone was okay with me even looking at a boy and thinking about liking him. I thought this was ridiculous then and it's even more ridiculous now. I don't believe in friendship rules. I believe friendship means being happy your friend is happy, warning them if they're doing something you disapprove of but being there for them anyway.

My friends had a bunch of stupid sayings and rules. "Chicks before dicks" just like "bros before hos." Don't date ex boyfriends of your friends. My mom had all kinds of advice, like "boys come and go, but friends last forever." Bull.shit. My female friends and I were all insane. We were boy crazy and smack in the middle of puberty. And let me tell you something, it's not just boys that go and friends that stay. Everyone goes. The important ones hang on, male or female, and they're worth hanging on to. So all of the problems I had with my friends about boys were so petty and they so don't matter now, but it was such a big fucking deal back then. My friends would literally ignore me when they decided I was a bitch for not considering them in all of my decisions. This was middle school. It happened. I worked it out, I apologized, took the credit, smoothed things over. Guess what? I'm not friends with any of them anymore. So it doesn't mean shit. And that's okay.

But you know what's absolute bullshit? When it happens after middle school; after High School even. I was asking for it, really, going after the one guy with the crazy "ex" forever stuck in middle school mentality, friendship rules and all. You might know who I'm talking about, so just go with it. I knew the reaction I was going to get, but there was no apologizing, no reasoning with this girl. I got hateful voicemails, I got hateful comments from her friends (who didn't know me, they were just following the leader like all immature people do) and despite blocking accounts, she still finds me. She still tells lies about me. "I saw her at the mall and she said I was fat." Lie, never happened. And what makes me sick is she has never apologized, never taken credit or been graceful about it. She tries to say what I'm saying now, like she's the victim. Hey, I'm not the one who wouldn't accept when someone didn't love me to the point of driving by their house or stalking their girlfriends. It pisses me off. Obviously I didn't need this person in my life, but she didn't let me forget how much I pissed her off. She even went as far as egging my car. I'm just so tired of her hypocrisy I can't even begin to describe it. I never fought back, never went out of my way to make her mad. Why bother? She would only blow it out of proportion and point more fingers, and it would only be sinking to her level.

So I've never bothered trying to smooth things over with her again, because she's too crazy. She'd either laugh in my face or pretend to be nice to me again so she could laugh behind my back. I was friends with her, and I know how she is. It's just not worth it, I quit. It's not a big loss.

But there's just always gonna be someone who has a problem with who I'm dating, I guess. Whatever, you know? I'm happy, so I don't care.

Entiendes?

Day 26

What Kind Of Person Attracts You?

    Rather than being cheesy and just posting a picture of my boyfriend, it's funny to think about what all the people I've dated have in common. From just traits, to things they like, to little things they do, I gravitate towards skinny nerdy metal heads who are all kind of crazy in their own way. For example:

-More than one person has called me "Tree Lady" because I'm always cracking weird bones in my body.

-More than one person has liked to take my hand and put it on their face. (I just don't get the appeal of this.)

-More than one person has wanted to go into the military, and now one is doing it. 

-Almost everyone I've dated has dark hair and hazel eyes like myself.

-Pretty much every one I've dated plays video games.

The main things I look for in a person is their ability to make me laugh. If you can't do that, you ain't gettin' none, because I need to laugh, need to, because I have so many gloomy days, and I need to know that the person I'm with can cheer me up at will.

When I was sixteen and working at JoAnn's (the craft store) a middle-aged woman came in through the automatic doors laughing her head off. I'd seen a man with her just before she came in; he must've decided to wait outside. But she kept chuckling as I did a return for her, and before she left she said: "If you ever get married, make sure it's to someone who makes you laugh." 

I don't know why, but it's just always stuck with me, and I've since realized just how important it is to me. 

I used to like artistic sensitive guys, too, but I've discovered how much of a trap this is. It's good to know someone like that for conversation and creative input, but things get too complicated with me and these types. I have enough up and down emotions on my own to deal with, I need a stronger person to help me simplify myself, not add more emotions to the mix. To be blunt, I've already got a pussy, I don't need another one. 

You know that anxious feeling when you're around a new person? I don't really like that. To be honest I like a little predictability. I like having a foundation before hand. A history or at least a friendship, you know?  Humans can be frighteningly impulsive creatures, and new people freak me out. Everything can change, and change fast. In just a few months they can be the complete opposite of what you thought they were the day you met them. In other words, I need to really trust someone in order to consider being in a long term relationship with them. I've jumped into things a few times, usually when rebounding, and it always ends badly.

I'm straying from the topic a little. This is supposed to be the kind of person that attracts me, not what I'm looking for in a relationship. Still, I felt like touching on it. 

I definitely look for confidence. It's hard to like someone when they don't like themselves. I don't mind a little shyness, because that I can understand. I was painfully shy as a child and I still have my moments. I don't mind speaking for someone if they're feeling a little tight lipped. Sometimes you gotta balance each other out. 

I always appreciate the musically inclined. People who don't like music are really weird to me. So are people who only listen to certain bands in certain genres. I definitely enjoy people who play instruments. I'm not necessarily deeply impressed by it to the point where I'll rip off your clothes if you play me a song I like, but it's a hell of a lot cooler than not playing an instrument.

I'm attracted to people who can teach me something or show me something new. It's usually an adventure with Michael, to finally use him as an example. I go on trips with his family to places I've never been, try new food, and because of Michael's obsession with wanting to know the answer to stuff immediately, I tend to learn things almost every day, too. It's always something, which makes things exciting. We're going down the Mohave Trail next weekend for a few days. Pretty damn stoked to finally go camping again, lemme tell you. 

Anyhow, I'm being suuuper distracted by this and Pokemon Snap, when I should really be doing homework. Here's something to make you chuckle before I go:

Unexpectedly Good Movies

You ever see previews to movies and think "Goddamn, that looks awful"? I know I have. Most of these movies are just as bad as they look, but some aren't, and I was in the mood to make a short list of a few movies I've seen in the last six months that have turned out to be much better than I anticipated.

Most recently, Orphan. You know, "There's something wrong with Ester." Oo, spooky, I thought. Not, skipping that one. I figured I wasn't gonna see it, and read the entire plot after seeing the preview. But this was a long time ago, and so when Michael put it on all I remembered was the twist at the end, which you think would ruin the movie, but no. It was still intense and insanely creepy. I'm sure it would've had a stronger effect on me if I didn't know the truth, but I was still disturbed.

Ester is a Russian orphan that gets adopted by a very nice relatively normal family. But right away it's obvious she's off. An honestly, that's all you need to know. It's worth watching. I think her accent makes her especially scary in some moments...which I guess is kind of racist to say. You know what I mean, though?


Next was Still Waiting. "Waiting" was hilarious, and still is. It gets quoted frequently among my friends. But in most cases, sequels suck, which is why I was a little upset and apprehensive when I found out about "Still Waiting." And...I was pleasantly surprised. I still laughed my ass off somehow. Plus, they kept some characters from the first one, including my favorite: the raging alcoholic Naomi.

At one point she says: "I'm gonna end up in the gutter again, suckin' meth for dick." The timing and delivery made it hands down one of my favorite movie lines in a comedy.

Another comedy, next on my list is Fired Up. It looked like a totally retarded guys-want-to-hook-up-with-lots-of-chicks-but-learn-a-life-lesson-in-the-end movie. I've seen a few of those, "Wedding Crashers" to name one. Here's the trailer:

Yep, two football playing jockheads join cheerleading for the chicks. Looks dumb, right? Wrong! Michael and I caught this on TV one night, bracing ourselves to change the channel. But it had the same quick wittedness as "Waiting" and turned out to be pretty damn funny and enjoyable. Add it to your list if you need a good hard laugh.

Last but not least, another scary movie: The Uninvited. This was an americanized remake of a Korean horror film called "A Tale of Two Sisters." I really enjoyed it, but everyone else I showed it too thought it was too slow, too long, and too odd. I was kind of pouting when I found out it was being remade, because most american remakes of foreign movies get really stupid in their own translation (The Ring, The Grudge, to name a few). But in the end, I liked it. It was pretty close to the original, and had a few extra elements.

So that's my horror/comedy sandwich of the latest movies I've seen that I didn't expect to be good but were afterall. Check them out!

Days 24 and 25

I'm already having a hard time with this because Michael is playing Castlevania, and he's in the upside down part. It's really distracting.

Once again not feeling so good either. But for fear of skipping more than I day I'd like to do my best and go through with Days 24 and 25.

Day 24 is Somewhere You'd Like To Travel

Well this was in the photo challenge, and I've mentioned it before so if you don't know that I want to visit Japan by now you haven't been reading any of this. I love everything Japanese, even the weird stuff. And I vow to raise my children on Miyazaki, right down to their toys. I mean, looks at this:

It's a Totoro baby rattle. I almost just want to buy it now and save it. There's the black cat (Jiji) from Kiki's Delivery Service, too. So adorable.

Anyhow, I guess I'd also like to travel to other places besides Japan. Thailand, India, Ireland, maybe New York if we're just talking about the U.S. Definitely Germany, too. It would be awesome to finally experience other cultures firsthand instead of just learning about them. Not quite the same, y'know?

I've mentioned my travel wishes enough, I think. This is pretty much the same as Day 13, so I'm gonna move on now.

Day 25 is just A Photo You Took

But this may be difficult to decide, so maybe I'll just post a few good ones.

 My favorite picture of DP, next to his asian one from Halloween.

 Marshall writin' on Drenga in the 211 party days.

 Converse Love

Jafar The Bass, who I will be keeping company when Mikey goes to bootcamp.

Day 23: Being Shallow

So I've totally already done what day 23 wants me to do, which is post 5 hot famous guys. Er, that may be a lie; I might've posted more women than men. So maybe I can still do this.

 Ryan Reynolds. Not at first, but the more movies I saw him the more I liked him. I think he won my heart in "Waiting." Also, abs. Sweet sweet abs. I can be shallow because I don't know him in person, and the man is in shape, and it is awesome.

 Jared Leto. A fantasy pretty boy type that I can't resist no matter how hard I try. He scarred me for life in "Requiem For a Dream:", but made up for it in "Mr. Nobody". And those eyes, c'mon. Don't lie to yourself. You love him too.

 Matthew Lillard. The only realistically attractive man on this list, he seems like the goofy friend you end up falling for. He's got a big contagious smile and I like him in everything, including "Scooby Doo". Don't judge me.

 Christian Bale. A dangerously attractive man that I will never meet, along with the others. Super serious and a little scary, I almost love him out of fear. He does his job and he does it good. Mm mm good.

Cillian Murphy. A strange man who looks good all the time, whether he's dressed like a woman or covered in blood. I think it's the eyes. I'm a sucker for blue eyes. He plays a sexy bad guy; I started liking him when I saw "Red Eye" and "Batman Begins."


So that would be it! I'm glad this one was relatively easy, once I chose the list, that is. It was both hard to think out of sleepiness and how many famous hot men are out there. Nom :)

The Best Ipod Apps

Upon receiving my new generation Ipod touch, I was placed in the unfamiliar world of Apps, or Applications. This thing was not just for music, oh no, but according to Apple it had "infinite possibilities" for everything else. All the stupid app commercials suddenly applied to me, and I had to ask around to see what apps I should download.

Right away I discovered one thing: most apps cost money. This was discouraging, but I came upon a stroke of luck when I logged into my neglected apple account and found around five dollars waiting patiently to be spent. On top of that, I'd heard about a thing called "Jailbreaking" your Ipod, making features usually not accessible to the average user accessible. Through this, I found the first two useful apps I'll mention.

WiFiPass, the wifi password logging app. It records any network information you find, so you don't have to keep asking for a password wherever you go. It allows your Ipod to remember and login to the network automatically. I enjoy having wifi, and it's really nice being able to skip the irritation of re-entering a network password every time I use it.


 
BatteryLogger. I think this is the light version I got from Cydia, but it's good enough for me. It does what it sounds like it does: logs your battery usage, time stamping and graphing said information. I'm kind of a freak about charging my ipod, and I like seeing the numbers instead of just guessing based on how full the battery icon in the top right corner is. 

Thankfully when I looked for free apps I found I didn't have to pay for useful things, like Facebook, Pandora, StumbleUpon, Google, and a Dictionary App. But the unfortunate thing about 90% of free apps is they're usually terrible, but there are idiots out there who rate it higher than it should rightfully be rated, creating a pile of retarded free apps that had to be pushed aside to find an occasional treasure, such as Chop Chop Ninja and the Mixology App.

However, some of my favorite apps I ended up paying for, and only because of A) the money I found sitting in my old account, B) the gift card I got for Christmas and C) the gift card I won at work. Otherwise I don't think I would've gotten the apps I did.

These are my favorites:

Although the most expensive of the apps I picked out ($2.99) it is entirely worth it. Epic Win is a To Do List of Epic proportions. Chose an Avatar, give it a clever name based on your own (mine is Chlotor) and watch yourself level up doing what you do every day. It's complete with stats, history, gold, and loot. It's a fairly slow process and I just hit level three the other day after about a month or so. It depends on the epicness of the tasks you set yourself to do, and it ranges from 50 points to 300 points. It makes remembering to do shit epic. Seriously, it's awesome.

 If you haven't played Robot Unicorn Attack on AdultSwim, go do it now. I resisted this game for a long time, out of stubbornness and the fact that everyone I knew was playing it. I didn't feel like jumping on the bandwagon, I guess. But not only do the touch controls make it easier, I'm a lot better at it on my ipod than online (even though Michael still kicks my ass at it). It's a constant struggle, trying to beat my boyfriends score, and it's not as gay as it looks. (The song, in case you are wondering, is "Always" by Erasure)

Urbanspoon. Actually, I think I got this one for free, which makes it all the better. This is probably one of the most useful tools I've found. Michael and I have this problem when we're hungry and we want to go out: where? What kind of food do we want? And commence the "I don't know what do you want" game, in which we repeat this line to each other while sitting on our asses, bellies getting no fuller. A most useless game. With Urbanspoon, we can set where we are, what kind of food we want, and how much we're willing to pay for it. I've lived in Prescott for 15 years, but for some reason when I'm hungry I can't think of a single good place to eat. This app reminds me what's around, and if there's a place I know of that isn't in the system I can suggest it so it is. I can also say what places I like, what places I don't and why. It's very helpful.



MxTube. This I think I got through Cydia after Jailbreaking my Ipod, so it was free but hard to find. I could use YouTube anyway, but with this MxTube contraption I could download and keep videos from YouTube on my Ipod. This is very useful, actually. I enjoy it, because I don't have to figure out formatting if I want a music video; most of the time I can just get it.

Fruit Ninja. Sooo addicting. Worth the dollar. It has achievements, and for whatever reason I'm not so bad at it. I know slicing fruit doesn't sound that exciting, but it is, because there are different modes and unlockables and all that good stuff. Really enjoy it.

Angry Birds. Also an addicting game, and it's gotten so damn popular there are shirts at Hot Topic and other merchandise. There are different birds that do different things, and the objective is to destroy all the green pigs and as much of the structure as you can. If you use less birds than you have you get more points for that, too. It's a pretty standard game, apparently, because it's everywhere. I like it, though after the first world it gets kinda hard.


     So those are the apps I use the most and find the most worth my dollar. I have some other entertaining apps that I don't use as much, like iGun (good for taking out frustration) and I Am T-Pain (playing with autotune). I'm always on the lookout for something new, but I'm really picky about apps unless someone I know personally looks me in the eye and says "You should get this." You'd think looking at the rating and reading reviews would give you a good idea what an app is like, but it doesn't. When top apps are "The Moron Test," "Virtual Paper Toss" and "Ow My Balls" and everyone says things like "dis ap is da best, i had soooooo much fun wit it!!!!!111!!" I lose a little faith in humanity and can't trust almost any app. You have to sift through the crap, try to find demos and decide for yourself. And for God sakes, write a real review. Rarely do I find useful reviews but I'm so relieved when I do. I hate hate hate when someone just gives five stars, has no title, and all the review says is "cool." This tells me absolutely nothing, and it screws with the overall average rating of the app.
      I thought maybe making a list of my personal favorites and a little advice would shed some light on anyone struggling with App Hunting. I still have a little more than $6 left from a gift card and I simply can't decide because I can't find anything good. I almost dread the next time I get a gift card because I'll have to go through the same thing. It may not be my money, necessarily, but I still don't want to waste it on something retarded that was made and reviewed by monkeys.