Here's what it looks like:
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - A photo of yourself and write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 – Someone who came into your life unexpected and made an impact.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 – A photo of a cherished memory.
Day 15 - 5 people in your life right now who mean the most.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 – Something that makes you laugh.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 – Something you want to do before you die.
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 – Somewhere you would like to travel.
Day 25 – A photo you took.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.
So Day 1.Talking too much about my relationship makes me feel kinda weird. There are a lot of girls out there who obsess to a frightening extent about their boyfriends, who they'll probably break up with soon anyway. I try not to be too crazy about it, mostly online, because I know it sickens other people. I know I get nauseated when girls go on and on about how lucky they are, and all of their posts are what they did with their boyfriend that day, and they gush and gush about it and post waaaayyy too many pictures of them together. I consider what I do to be a much more toned down version of this. But, since you ask, I'll do all of my gushing now and get it out of my system, so if you're interested in knowing "the story" and have a strong stomach, read on.
Here's some music to listen to while you read from the awkward years of my life, when I first met Michael.
Not the best quality video, but you get the point.
However, I do like thinking back to how everything began with Michael. I've never really sat down and told the whole thing straight out. Once or twice I've opened old journals and read about the day I met him. I was thirteen. Naive, selfish, self-absorbed, all that good stuff. I went to Granite Mountain Middle school, and through people from my school to people at Mile High Middle School I started hearing about a certain group of boys. I got talked into adding them on instant messenger and spoke to Alex, Michael, Chris and Tony.
However, I do like thinking back to how everything began with Michael. I've never really sat down and told the whole thing straight out. Once or twice I've opened old journals and read about the day I met him. I was thirteen. Naive, selfish, self-absorbed, all that good stuff. I went to Granite Mountain Middle school, and through people from my school to people at Mile High Middle School I started hearing about a certain group of boys. I got talked into adding them on instant messenger and spoke to Alex, Michael, Chris and Tony.
We decided some of us should meet up at a movie and meet for the first time.
So I get there with my mom, because I'm thirteen and I can't drive, and walk right past three boys sitting outside of Harkins. I'm too shy to go over and ask if they are who I'm looking for, so my mom decides to embarrass me and do it herself. It was Michael, Chris, and "Ardans," another Michael. I think at this point Kristen had a thing for Michael, but I don't think I cared. Again, thirteen. It was immediately apparent to me that this boy would be important for one reason or another. We sat next to each other (after a silent argument with Kristen over who would sit next to him) and watched IRobot. (Today Michael and I watch that movie on the same day every year, we just call it IRobot Day.)
So he let me borrow his watch, definitely as an excuse to for us to see each other again. I have trouble remembering how the "relationship" itself started, or how we pulled it off for nine months while going to different schools. There was a lot of making out. We'd try to do something, like watching a movie, and end up making out. Once my mom caught us and we couldn't see each other for a month. I don't know, it was super weird. On top of that, I would've done anything to see him, include join a sports team just to have meets at the same places he did. Yeah, joined Cross Country in the hopes of seeing him, and pretty much only for that reason. At least I'm not that stupid now. You couldn't pay me to join the Army, and I'm sure as hell smarter than to assume that if I do I'll see Michael. I definitely won't.
Anyway, things started to get boring, mostly for him I'm sure.We did the break up get back together thing, like we do. And I was a clingy emotional girl, with High School fast approaching, why would he want to keep it going? But he broke up with me over instant messenger, which was pretty shitty, right around the same time I found out my dad was divorcing his second wife, the best stepmom in the world to me. I was in a bad state. Cried for days, went into counseling, had a lot of problems blah blah blah.
I really didn't think we'd ever get back together. I know I held onto my feelings for him somewhere, because I'd look at him sometimes and think things I shouldn't be thinking, that sort of thing. But we just went through High School pretty disconnected from each other. We each had our share of crazy bad relationships with crazy bad people that we constantly fell back on out of loneliness. He became Mikey, the friend I held dear in my heart and wouldn't think of any other way. Our friends sometimes called me the female Michael.We had similar mannerisms, wore basically the same pair of black framed glasses, had dark hair, similar eyes, and I really just thought my feelings towards him were like a sister to a brother.
Things got interesting around High School graduation. I wasn't quite over breaking up with Saint the month before, and planned on going to Michael's after it was all over. I borrowed his clothes and spent the night in the man cave with him and a few other people, where he listened to me whine and cry about everything. We realized how out of touch we were and started hanging out, feeling like some of the only people not running off to a university. When we weren't hanging out we were texting, but I didn't want to read to much into it. I was friends with his ex, and if anything happened shit would hit the fan. I was supposed to hang out with her on my birthday weekend, and a few days before that, out of nowhere, Michael kissed me. My first thought was calculating how long it had been since I'd kissed him. My second?
I'm so fucking dead.
I'd been involved in a lot of Michael's drama. By that I mean his ex girlfriends. What was I supposed to say to his number one ex, someone I was supposed to be close friends with? We went back and forth on whether or not we should let it get any further.
I guess the rest is history. Turns out I didn't need certain friends anyway, and the real friends I've made peace with since then.
But as everyone knows we broke up for a while. And I didn't think we'd get back together then either. We saw other people. We only kinda talked and I stopped bring the topic of "us" up in conversation. I gave up. What I was most upset and confused about was how much I still loved him, and how I really thought we'd stay together. I didn't delete pictures or throw things away, but I didn't look at them either. I assumed he'd blocked me out of his heart and his head and knew I'd have to accept it at some point. So I tried. Really hard. I wanted to at least repair a friendship, but that was hard too. Being around him again made me think there was still a chance, and I didn't want to be optimistic. I hate optimism, because I tend to get disappointed.
But one night I went to his house to hang out with him and a few other people. It got really really late and we were trying to watch movies on the couch with Moose (Alex) and started cuddling on the couch. All I could think was how I didn't want to be like the other girls. I didn't want to just take what I could get and obsess over him. It was really distressing. We took Alex home and I hesitantly asked him what was going on with us.
I heard everything I was hoping to hear. He'd missed me too, he hadn't deleted or thrown anything away either, and he thought we could do this. All very rare things for Michael to say or do, in my experience. We talked till 7:30 that morning. We hadn't slept yet. But we ended up just going to breakfast and not sleeping till that night. I was too pumped up on happiness to feel tired at all.
It's been such an up and down journey. Now we're determined to stick together and get through all this difficult stuff coming up. As long as we do (and I really think we will) I hope we'll be doing a lot of traveling together. I'm excited for all of the good things but am really bracing myself for the bad stuff. I can't see myself with anyone else, and even though I may be pretty young to say that, looking back it seems like we can't stay apart no matter what we do. Why should distance stop us?
It's just a new challenge.
So he let me borrow his watch, definitely as an excuse to for us to see each other again. I have trouble remembering how the "relationship" itself started, or how we pulled it off for nine months while going to different schools. There was a lot of making out. We'd try to do something, like watching a movie, and end up making out. Once my mom caught us and we couldn't see each other for a month. I don't know, it was super weird. On top of that, I would've done anything to see him, include join a sports team just to have meets at the same places he did. Yeah, joined Cross Country in the hopes of seeing him, and pretty much only for that reason. At least I'm not that stupid now. You couldn't pay me to join the Army, and I'm sure as hell smarter than to assume that if I do I'll see Michael. I definitely won't.
Anyway, things started to get boring, mostly for him I'm sure.We did the break up get back together thing, like we do. And I was a clingy emotional girl, with High School fast approaching, why would he want to keep it going? But he broke up with me over instant messenger, which was pretty shitty, right around the same time I found out my dad was divorcing his second wife, the best stepmom in the world to me. I was in a bad state. Cried for days, went into counseling, had a lot of problems blah blah blah.
I really didn't think we'd ever get back together. I know I held onto my feelings for him somewhere, because I'd look at him sometimes and think things I shouldn't be thinking, that sort of thing. But we just went through High School pretty disconnected from each other. We each had our share of crazy bad relationships with crazy bad people that we constantly fell back on out of loneliness. He became Mikey, the friend I held dear in my heart and wouldn't think of any other way. Our friends sometimes called me the female Michael.We had similar mannerisms, wore basically the same pair of black framed glasses, had dark hair, similar eyes, and I really just thought my feelings towards him were like a sister to a brother.
Things got interesting around High School graduation. I wasn't quite over breaking up with Saint the month before, and planned on going to Michael's after it was all over. I borrowed his clothes and spent the night in the man cave with him and a few other people, where he listened to me whine and cry about everything. We realized how out of touch we were and started hanging out, feeling like some of the only people not running off to a university. When we weren't hanging out we were texting, but I didn't want to read to much into it. I was friends with his ex, and if anything happened shit would hit the fan. I was supposed to hang out with her on my birthday weekend, and a few days before that, out of nowhere, Michael kissed me. My first thought was calculating how long it had been since I'd kissed him. My second?
I'm so fucking dead.
I'd been involved in a lot of Michael's drama. By that I mean his ex girlfriends. What was I supposed to say to his number one ex, someone I was supposed to be close friends with? We went back and forth on whether or not we should let it get any further.
I guess the rest is history. Turns out I didn't need certain friends anyway, and the real friends I've made peace with since then.
But as everyone knows we broke up for a while. And I didn't think we'd get back together then either. We saw other people. We only kinda talked and I stopped bring the topic of "us" up in conversation. I gave up. What I was most upset and confused about was how much I still loved him, and how I really thought we'd stay together. I didn't delete pictures or throw things away, but I didn't look at them either. I assumed he'd blocked me out of his heart and his head and knew I'd have to accept it at some point. So I tried. Really hard. I wanted to at least repair a friendship, but that was hard too. Being around him again made me think there was still a chance, and I didn't want to be optimistic. I hate optimism, because I tend to get disappointed.
But one night I went to his house to hang out with him and a few other people. It got really really late and we were trying to watch movies on the couch with Moose (Alex) and started cuddling on the couch. All I could think was how I didn't want to be like the other girls. I didn't want to just take what I could get and obsess over him. It was really distressing. We took Alex home and I hesitantly asked him what was going on with us.
I heard everything I was hoping to hear. He'd missed me too, he hadn't deleted or thrown anything away either, and he thought we could do this. All very rare things for Michael to say or do, in my experience. We talked till 7:30 that morning. We hadn't slept yet. But we ended up just going to breakfast and not sleeping till that night. I was too pumped up on happiness to feel tired at all.
It's been such an up and down journey. Now we're determined to stick together and get through all this difficult stuff coming up. As long as we do (and I really think we will) I hope we'll be doing a lot of traveling together. I'm excited for all of the good things but am really bracing myself for the bad stuff. I can't see myself with anyone else, and even though I may be pretty young to say that, looking back it seems like we can't stay apart no matter what we do. Why should distance stop us?
It's just a new challenge.
Drunk and happy the night he asked me to be his girlfriend
June 21st, 2009
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