Your First Love

Well, this is a little tricky. There are a lot of technical questions to ask. The first person you had feelings for? The first person you had mutual feelings with? I'm one of those people that has fallen in love too easily. I've had trust issues in the past, but I have the ability to see the good in anyone. My life has been all about love. I guess you could say I love being in love. I've rushed things, stayed when I should have gone, and changed myself for someone else to try and make them like me. Needless to say, I've learned to stop doing all of these things, because they've gotten me stuck in some pretty bad situations.

But when I decide I love someone, no matter what happens, they tend to always have a place in my heart, and so it's hard to forget them. I don't try to, I just find another way to process the feeling. I change it into something else, try to remember the good times, and move on with my life. I don't dwell on exes for a terribly long time. I'm sad for a while, but eventually I get past it.

But the one person I dwelled on the longest was my first love, who, however hard this may be to believe, was Stewart. Everyone forgets about that, but I never will. He was my childhood sweetheart. I held onto him emotionally for years. And later in life we both agreed that even though we were young, it was something special, something hard to find. We got each other through an awkward part of life. For almost two years we were inseparable, which just doesn't happen so early on.

I wish I had an old picture to put up; its one of those things I'd have to take a picture of an old picture to do, but there are some cute ones. There's one of us at a Halloween dance, and I'm hunched over because I'm taller than him.

It was a relationship based on our own little world. Symbols were incredibly important. We had these necklaces we always wore to represent each other. We had a secret written language. Obviously we weren't mature enough to have anything physical, but what we had was better than some of the future relationships I had that involved a physical aspect.

I'll admit there was a point where he really hurt my feelings. It had to end some time because we had our whole lives ahead of us. We weren't supposed to stay together our whole lives. It was really tough getting used to life without him so close, but I did it.

I think out of all the people I know and see on a semi-regular basis, I've known him the longest, which is really weird to think about. Things are really different. We're all grown up. But I don't think either of us will forget that once upon a time, we were important to each other.