Love, Marriage, Babies and the Like

Ever since I got out of High School, it's been two years of people getting knocked up, engaged, married, and even divorced. Dying, too, which breaks my heart but it happens. Life is all out of order.

I just don't get it. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll be a mother someday, but I place heavy emphasis on someday. I don't understand the people who go through with having kids so early, or the girls who want to have kids this early. I get the whole, "whoopsie, I'm pregnant" thing to an extent, but some people, some crazy crazy women out there, do it on purpose. "Wouldn't it be great if I had -insert innocent males name here-'s baby?" or "My birth control isn't working too well these days, I guess this means I'll wait several months before--oh would you look at that I'm pregnant!" I swear it happens. Why? Why is it a good thing to give up a life of possibilities and root yourself to one purpose?

I'm so sick of hearing about pregnant woman I'm about to have morning sickness. Why does everyone else need to know about every little thing? Do we need to know that you got up in the middle of the night to pee for the billionth time? No. Do we need to know how wide your vagina is? No. You're still pregnant, we get it. You're gonna be pregnant till you finally have the thing. Maybe I just don't find it interesting because I haven't done it yet, but I don't see the appeal in sharing all the hairy details. It's gross. Keep that stuff to yourself. Kicks and movements I understand. That's exciting. Telling everyone when you get sick is not.

Children take dedication, especially in the first few months. I respect the women who end up doing it on their own, and maybe there's no such thing as "being ready" but there really are certain people in the world who shouldn't reproduce. Personally I want to have a steady paying career and a comfortable place to live and preferably a husband to team up with before I decide to take on the responsibility of children.

Which brings me to my next subject of bother. I hate seeing all of these kids my age getting married practically for the fun of it, because hey, there's always divorce, right? Seriously, whatever happened to "till death do us part"? Seems like now it's just "till I can't stand you anymore." And I've already seen people getting married essentially because of a child/pregnancy. That's not necessarily right, either. I guess I just believe in a certain order, so it's all my bias judgment here, but I don't believe in trapping a guy with a baby and pressuring him to marry you. If I get married, it's once and that's it. None of that "if this is wrong I don't want to be right" bullshit. It'll be right and I'll know it.

Really when you think about it it's all a lot of crazy selfishness we're supposed to have in order to keep the human race going. Love is a chemical imbalance in our brains; relationships are based on "getting something out of it" for ourselves and children are a guarantee of having someone in our life that has to love us, and we need that. I can sort of understand people forcing it all and trying to look happy with it. I for one would rather my happy ending come to me, instead of pinning it down with obligations. I guess when it comes down to it marriage is kind of stupid these days and our culture has pissed all over what it stands for, but I still like the symbolism of it and I can't help wanting it. Could just be my biological clock has started ticking and is doing things to my brain, makin' me crazy. Yeah, that's it.

I just felt like attempting to put out some thoughts about this because it keeps. happening. It's hard not to notice. And the older I get the more I'll see it, I'm sure, and that's fine. It just seems so soon and bizarre right now, I can't understand it.