Day 23: Music and Photo Flashback (aka: I Can't Sleep)

It's 11:30 and I'm guessing the Monster I drank today is keeping me wide awake. I'm usually at least in bed close to sleep by now, but instead I'm bathing in monitor light thinking about the past, something I do so much it should be illegal.
So I thought I might as well try to put a positive spin on it and post some cute old pictures of me and some music I used to listen to or just songs that remind me of times without responsibilities.

Look how fucking cute my hair is. LOOK AT IT. It's almost enough to make me take this photo in to the nearest Korean stylist (because pretty much all barber shops are run by Koreans here) and chop all my hair off. Almost. My friend Steph used to cut my hair pretty much all through high school and I had these super cute edgy bangs and hair that was never much longer than my shoulders.
I have a shit ton of photos from when I thought I was really cool and took like 30 photos of myself at a time. Some of them aren't that bad though. I had super cute hair and pulled the occasional genuine smile.
It's actually inspired me to start wearing my contacts again (haven't bothered in months) and keep working out in hopes of getting my teenage body back (which let's face it, probably won't happen simply for scientific reasons).


But just for fun here's a song I always heard at school dances and takes me back to those awkward moments of that once-worn dress and camera flashes in my face.


Here's another favorite photo of mine; that genuine smile I mentioned. I can't remember where I was but following this is a set of pictures with an ex boyfriend. (Why do I still have them? Because I'm lazy, mostly, and they're not gross or anything.)
My hair was all whispy and I'd started putting in two short but super cute ponytails and it looked all scene and Asian-y. I look pretty happy so I guess I must've been. It looked like it'd been a good day. As for age I'd have to say fifteen, almost sixteen.
I remember listening to a lot of Tool in early high school, and I actually can't listen to it anymore. It puts me in the weirdest state of mind that I can't stand to be in since. Instead here's a song that I feel guilty for liking.

Here's a picture from a really weird night. I remember bits and pieces, which is more than I can usually say for most of my high school career. I just have a really bad memory.
That Monster was crazy huge and not all that good, and that's coming from someone who likes just about every Monster. I haven't seen one of those heavy metal ones for literally years, as old as that makes me feel to say.
I was in this phase for a long while where I thought it was super cool to edit out most of the color in a photo to highlight one or two things. In this case, my eye and the giant can.
It was one of those nights where I was along for the ride because it was better than being at home alone. But looking back I should've stayed home, or found a different way out.
It wasn't awful, I didn't end up in a gutter or anything, just one of those times I'm not all that proud of.







This song is the theme of one very drunken night. I guess it's a good memory, mostly awkward, but I'm trying to think of semi-positive things. And at least it was one of those laugh-about-it-nervously-later things. Man I was confused about myself alllll through those years. One day I wanted to die, one day I was ecstatic, the next I was confused about sexuality...you know, high school. Standard bullshit.

But I have to admit I was such a sucker for 90's and like early 2000's ballads. Music videos with like ripped overalls and someone sitting in front of a window looking at the rain outside, or standing on a roof walking through white laundry hanging to dry. Cheesy shit. Semisonic, Third Eye Blind, Spin Doctors, Coldplay, Train had some of my favorites, even if they were one hit wonders.



I haven't heard this song in years but when I pressed play I still knew all of the words. Plus, who doesn't love a good breakup song? I think my teenage years revolved around them. They're the kind of songs you crank when you're alone and sing to with no shame. Those are the best.

Well I think I oughta put my nostalgia (and myself) to bed now and just try to think of the good times instead of the bad ones, which always come up first.