200th Post: A More Personal Note

It's sort of unofficially my 200th post, not counting any posts I've gone back and deleted. Not much to celebrate really; my audience hasn't expanded much since I started.
So I guess I shouldn't feel weird about making a real personal post for once, instead of following the guidelines of something.
I've been complaining a lot about Oklahoma, but it's mostly due to my own personal mental struggle. I've never been in this situation before. I have a house to clean, dogs to take care of, meals to plan...and beyond that my brain is having a really hard time with.
I've never been good at relationships with anybody. I've pretended to be someone I'm not, changed something unnecessary about myself, done lots of things to fit in and be accepted. I hit a point in my life where I refused to keep doing it. But it didn't cure my anxiety, paranoia, or general awkwardness. Sometimes I put on my "people face" and do what a teacher at my high school liked to preach and Fake It Till You Make It.
It's even worse here, like taking a huge step backwards. Even when people have shown me kindness and reached out I finding myself backing away or flaking out. I like talking to people when they're all around because Michael's invited them, but it's really difficult for me to go out of my way to interact with anyone for one reason or another. I don't like this pressure I'm feeling to concoct a friendship with a stranger out of the blue; I'd pretty much rather stay in touch with who I know are genuine friends back home.
But what bothers me is when people are hypocritical about it. It's okay to point out that I don't try, fair enough. But it's not fair when you don't either. And talking to my husband about it instead of me is weird too, whether you're intoxicated or not.
There's a lot of indirectness here. I don't know if people are scared of me or what, but there's been more than one occasion when the people Michael and I know will just talk over me through texting about anything dramatic that happens. "Tell Chloe my wife says she's sorry" is one example. And it just bugs me, I really don't know what to think about it. I don't want to jump to conclusions and go nuts, I'd rather deal with things head on but most people assume it would be too confrontational.
Emotions are necessary. I believe in expressing them. Maybe that means some tears and a face to face argument, but as long as you get it all out and it's over with it feels so much better than never talking about it. I get emotional, but I can also listen to logic and criticism about myself without completely flipping off the handle. It's being talked about and avoided that turns me into a raging stereotype.
All I'm saying is I have issues, but so does everyone. I just get tired of this weird little dance everyone does trying not to set anyone off. Is it supposed to be polite? Did I ditch one too many "How To Be Human" classes?
Oh wait, those don't exist. Still, this isn't an easy thing. I'm not sure I'll ever get the hang of it, and it really troubles me.