I really wonder who my audience is some days. I have a link to this from my Tumblr now which is probably silly/kind of stupid, leading strangers to stories of my personal life.
There are at least three people I know look at this blog:
-a certain someone from my past
-my boyfriend
-a guy friend: Austen (whom I miss and think of often, regardless of my terrible communication skills )
I'm slowly leaning away from personal posts and going towards reviewing stuff I look at. I don't really know if I necessarily want to be that blog. I've started using livejournal again for strictly private journaling purposes (viewable to one person and one person only) because I have a lot of thoughts that don't belong on this blog anymore. Although it's fun to share my opinion on stuff I don't really know why I do it. Plus aesthetically, my blog isn't as pleasing as every other blog I've seen and I'm not entirely sure what I would do about it if I were to reach in and give in a makeover. I might need help because I don't really understand Blogger's design.
If you must know I'm not happy at this particular time. Living in Phoenix with nothing to do is a lot like hell. It's hot, at times the air conditioning isn't running, no one else is here, and I find myself stuck on the same website 24/7 even if it bores me. It's my version of hell. I still have school things to take care of and I keep hesitating on whether or not I should get a job now or when I'm more used to school.
I miss Prescott a lot but I can't afford to drive up and down with no income without asking my dad for money, and he does a lot for me already. I feel really isolated and keep forgetting there are a few people I could see here if I really wanted to. I feel really unmotivated and I stay in pajamas most of the time (and usually have to change once or twice a day from sweating). I download movies, watch them. Look at facebook, look at tumblr, check my email all obsessively.
Basically living the dream. I feel like I'm sixteen with no friends. Good God.
But it won't always be like this and that's what's pulling me thru. I may not always get out of bed when I should but Michael is visiting the second day of September, so I feel like hiding in a hole to make August go away is the appropriate move until I have to go to school. It's a very strange transitional period and maybe one busy day I'll look back on it wishing for one more day of it, a thought that occasionally makes me feel a little better about my situation.
When I'm done with school in mid December Michael should be on his winter break, for which we have a few big plans, including: coming home to Prescott to see friends and family, gathering left behind possessions, and moving me to Oklahoma in an apartment off base. It's tough waiting for all those exciting things. In between then and now, he's visiting and I'll be traveling there to help pick a place for us to live. I'll be meeting his new friends and finding a school over there and mentally preparing myself for big changes.
So you can imagine why right now sucks so hard. I've been doing essentially the same things for days pretty much isolated from the world. So much is going to happen so soon and I hate sitting on my ass being this far away from him and anyone familiar. All I do is daydream constantly imagining the future. It's fun, but I can't wait till it all actually happens.
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