A (Not So) Quick Rant: Marriage

  The other night someone said to me and my married friends: "You're married so young, why would you do that to yourself?"
  Cue the immediate disgust and rage. It shouldn't have mattered, since said person was some total stranger and it was obvious he was single for a reason. Still, there was a bunch of stuff I wanted to say to said stranger. I just didn't think it worth my time. So I thought I'd bring the rant here.
  I've written about this a few times now, both before and after I got married. Thankfully, my opinions haven't changed at all. I know I made the right decision. For other people I know it's not that easy, and for others still they struggle with ignoring that voice telling them it's not (or wasn't) 100% right.
  It's really not a question of age. I say that with confidence. Although according to science our brains are still developing until we're in our early twenties, when you're with the right person it just works, and you just know. There's this flow to the relationship, and you grow together as you change, not apart.

  I think the biggest problem with recent generation is the fact that certain parts of marriage are glorified, but not others. There's the day itself of course, The Big One. And that's great, I'm not saying it should be toned down. But no one says a whole lot about what happens next, about what you're actually getting into. People are so blinded by dresses and cakes and decorations. Not to discredit couples by how big their weddings are or anything. If they can afford and they want to, why not? But I've noticed some of the best couples just don't care. They have something personal with a lot of close family, and the price tag and details don't matter.
  Sadly the other parts I've noticed that are glorified are things like divorce and prenuptial agreements, which is just a fancy way of saying "I don't trust you, and I want to make sure everything is fair when this ends." Celebrities do it. So maybe that means it's okay? It's really not. It's a super unhealthy way of thinking. You shouldn't have a "just in case" plan. Marriage is the plan, and don't throw something away if you can fix it. And let me tell you, it can almost always be fixed.
  And another thing, I've seen websites that encourage adultery, and places you can sell your wedding rings for cash. What in the hell is that about? Marriage was once this awesome agreement between two people who actually legitimately wanted to be with each other and no one else. (Although slightly before that it was something parents arranged in order to share their assets but forget that part.) I just think if you're going to completely disrespect what this contract is supposed to signify, why fucking bother? If somewhere in your heart you have any doubts about you or the other person, it is not for you.
  I think of all things age is a lower priority on the list. There are a lot of other things you have to consider before thinking oh, am I old enough for this? That's not really the question. It's more like, am I ready for this, do I want this, am I going to really commit to this? And it's hard to get answers from yourself when you're so excited about the glorified idea of just getting married at all. The problem is people connect the words age and maturity, when the two aren't necessarily related. Take two eighteen year olds and look at their lives, the decisions they've made, how they've grown up, how hard they've worked for things. Guarantee you it's not the same.
  When my husband and I were talking about getting married, we were in different states. And honestly I think being physically apart gave me the space I needed to think. I was of course just really wanting to be with him, but I didn't consider marriage my "way in." I got a lot of advice from people. I even talked to older people I didn't really know (community colleges are good for that). I wanted to know how couples who had been together for a long time stayed together, I wanted to know what to keep in mind and what to do when bad moments arose (you can't go into something assuming it'll be perfect, that's another downfall of recent generations). Overall I got a lot of perspective and I know it was a really great thing to do.
  I knew what I wanted. I knew how I wanted to be treated and also that I should know how to work on my relationship all the time. We're still considered newly weds, but I have yet to have a moment where I say to myself "maybe I shouldn't have done this." And that's how I know it was the right decision.
  And that has nothing to do with my age.