It's days like this I feel like deleting or just giving up on my frequented social accounts. I should be doing something better with my time but I'm not.
I want to write a book, I want to perfect the art of drawing on my tablet, I want to know how to use Photoshop for more than just .gifs other people have probably already made, I want to ride a bike to a body of water and sit there with a drink and just stop caring. But everything is easier said than done.
I feel anything but at home here.
I miss Arizona; I want to do all the things I hardly ever did there. I want to go on a hike but not here. I miss the dells. Sometimes I think I'm still there and I'm just being a hermit for no reason, but then I look out the window and I remember.
This change has been really really terrifying and I want to get used to it and be happy but it's just not happening. I've given up on Oklahoma, my hearts not in it knowing I'm most likely leaving it in about three months.
Michael reminded me that projections are just a really big probably. As in, you're probably going here, but hey, we might pull that out from under you at the last minute. This is not the life for me but I'm going through it because when you find that one person for you it's important to do what you can to show them you love them.
This too shall pass, and all that stuff. Five years ago everything was completely different, and five years from now has the potential to be just as drastic. I hope I'm stronger then, I hope I'll have made progress.
I wish could manage this blog better, but I don't have a super expensive camera and I don't do "Movie Mondays" or "Things I Love Thursdays." Even if it looks nicer than it used to, it's still just another under-the-radar journal and you'd probably rather read something else, something with a brighter attitude and more appealing aesthetics, something that makes more sense.
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