Anti Reality

It happened. I grew up. All that talk about someday, one day at fifteen, and today is someday, today is tomorrow. I didn't expect it to happen so fast. I didn't think I'd be anywhere near where I am. High school doesn't seem so far away. I think about the people I used to know often. I just want to know that they're okay. I don't think so negatively anymore, which is good. I care more.
But here I am sitting in a dark room by myself with a weak drink and my keyboard because I don't feel like mingling with the army family folks next door. Sometimes I feel so obligated to be social that all I want to do is hide.
I'm not as skinny as I used to be and the circles around my eyes seem darker than a while ago, maybe it's just me. Here I'm learning to be patient, be my own friend, and accept where I am. It's something I've done before but in a different situation. I guess I still have a lot to learn. I can't help but whine all the time about living somewhere so much more boring than my hometown. Now I feel bad for complaining about it. I wish I'd learn not to take so much for granted.
I have a lot in common with an old Indian woman at the mall. After talking she says she can't believe I think the way I do; I'd fit right in in India. I seem to impress her all the time. I guess I'm old fashioned like that.

I'm going through this phase where everything just feels so anti-magical. I'm in a rut; I've got writers block and I don't have the passion or the drive I did a few years ago. I'd like to publish a book but I don't have the heart to start a story. Nothing feels special. I work at a tiny mall in a dingy town. Thank god I wake up to my best friend every day.
It takes me nearly six months to get used to a place. I'm not kicking and screaming and crying all the time like I was when we first got here. But it sucks. Every day is one big sigh. It's all going to change again in a few more months. I wonder how I'll take it.

Bad news from home. Mikey's childhood pet Chaos might have doggie cancer. Another Cook dog is sick. His great uncle actually has cancer. My mom's parents are in and out of the hospital often but that's not quite new news.

I say this all the time and I'll say it again. I just want a normal life in Arizona where we belong. I'm so anti all of this.