Relationships: A Brief History of What I've Learned

1. Don't change yourself too much on purpose. Don't say you like that band they like if you really don't. Don't go to their church if you don't like religion. In general, don't do things you wouldn't really do if not under the influence of infatuation. The first few stages of love literally make you irrational because of all of the chemicals going nuts in your body. Don't let them get the best of you. Going out of your way when you're already in a relationship is one thing, but doing it for attention is another. If it's not you, don't do it.
2. "Friends with benefits" never work. Someone goes crazy, someone gets hurt, someone wants more and someone doesn't care. Either you crash and burn or you admit you're good together and call it what it is: a relationship. There will always be confusion and hesitation, despite saying things like "labels are overrated." All I've noticed is the lack of a label makes people miserable after a while. Just stop kidding yourselves.
3. Don't confuse butterflies with red flags. I learned this quick. Once upon a time butterflies/nervousness was a good thing, but if I'm so nervous around a person I can't even drive right and I feel too tense to be myself, something is wrong. If you can't decide if someone is dangerous or you want to be with them, those two should not mix and chances are that person is wrong for you. Being excited for a kiss is good. Being unsure if this person is going to hurt you in some way or not is bad.
4. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Some people can ignore this feeling for years. But if something doesn't feel right, if there's even a smidgeon of doubt, question it. If it's something you can fix, talk about with the person you're with, go out of your way to make it right. If it never goes away, don't stay. The right person should give you a feeling of comfortable certainty. You should never wonder where it's going or feel like you need something. Always ask, always communicate. If it can't be resolved, move on.
5. If you're looking around at other people, you probably aren't supposed to be in a relationship. If you're bored, fix it. Either take a break and satisfy your curiosity, or find a way to make things exciting again with your partner. But if you feel like something is missing so much so that you're thinking about someone else a lot, it isn't good. Don't kid yourself. A break might make you realize how good you had it, or that there's better out there.
6. Monogamy is a wonderful thing. I've heard people say things like "humans are meant to have multiple partners to populate the earth faster" and "I don't like (this gender), I just like to have sex with them." But we're given feelings of deep attachment for a reason: to stay with one person and raise a family as a team. How many people have been hurt by cheating partners? How many people have said "it's okay if we see other people" while they don't actually feel that way? It's not overrated, it's classic. It's respectful. If you can't trust someone, then don't make yourself insane, find someone else. The right person will be everything you need.
7. Relationships are kind of selfish but that's okay. Yeah, it's about what you want and what you need and finding someone you're willing to spend a lot of time with (even the rest of your life) takes a lot of personal growth and selfish questions. But once you're satisfied it can also be really amazing being selfless and making sure the other person is happy, too. Keep the balance between the two of you. When you enjoy making sacrifices as long as the other person is smiling, it's a really really good thing.
8. Don't ever let someone mistreat you because you "love" them. Stand up for yourself. Point out that they don't appreciate you. Put your foot down. And don't just make threats and ultimatums, do something about it. All or nothing. Don't ever be afraid, someone will always be willing to help you. Chances are other people know you're in a bad relationship too. Have some self respect. Don't go crawling back to someone who hurts you because of a twisted ugly version of something that's supposed to be beautiful.
9. Paranoid partners are probably cheaters, too. If you're a loyal person it sucks to be accused of something you would never do. So think about it. Why are they so worried? Did they do something they know would hurt you? Are they afraid of you doing the same thing? When they're showing up uninvited trying to catch you in some sort of act, they're probably guilty themselves. They've at least thought about it. But get control of the situation. Don't let yourself go crazy, too.
10. There's nothing worse than a liar. I can't stand being lied to, especially if I know it. I've given people chances to confess and tell the truth, but if they're lying about one thing how can you believe anything else they say? If there's no trust, there's no respect, and there's certainly no real communication. Therefore, you have nothing. Why. Lie. Get the hell away from someone trying to keep you in their life with nothing but made up stories. Again, don't confuse butterflies with red flags.
11. The best relationships take time and begin with friendship. That's a pretty self explanatory statement on it's own, but it really is true. Best guy friends make the best boyfriends, and some boyfriends make the best guy friends. When a mutual breakup occurs, stay friends, and get used to having each other in your lives. If you can build up a good friendship and get comfortable, you already have some of the basic and most important elements of a good relationship.

I'm about to leave the single life behind forever, and I couldn't be happier. I don't know what people see in all the he said/she said gossipy scene of meeting people and juggling multiple possible relationships at once and I'm so happy to get away from it. I've just been that girl that's been looking for that one person since I was nine years old, and it's been painful, to say the least. But heartbreaks are necessary. Up until this weekend I didn't think my attitude towards all this was all that uncommon, but it felt like it being around friends who were still elbow deep in drama and complaints. Call me old fashioned, but I guess I've just grown up. I'm also lucky to have found someone I'm so sure about. I know it's not easy for everyone, and not everyone cares so much about it like I do. I just don't see the point of seeing the world, being successful, and starting a family if you have to do it alone.