Reminicing

Warning: I'm about to get all ookie and talk about my boyfriend, something I say I don't like to over do. Considering the circumstances, I have a right to at this moment. But if you don't like that sort of thing then I wouldn't read ahead. :)

By this time next week Michael won't be here. It's a really sad thought and I'm not really ready for it, but I don't have a choice. Honestly I'm just not into the military thing. I respect that as long as war exists there will always be a reason for soldiers, but I can't help seeing it as sort of a sad waste. I mean, people willingly volunteer to become an expendable piece of government property. What about that sounds cool? But it's what Michael wants to do and I just have to get over it and support him, even though it means being miles apart.

It's times like these that make me think back to when I first met him, and all the things leading up to us ending up together. I really seriously never thought it would happen after we dated in eighth grade. It just didn't go that well. Michael has this effect on girls; he makes them crazy, and I was probably one of the first. But there were good times, too. He was my first serious kiss. He sent me flowers while I was in class (we went to different schools, mind you) for Valentines day. And I really can't forget when he made me borrow his watch so we had a reason to see each other again.

He did that with a lot of girls though, let them borrow his stuff. They went crazy over it. Jackets, jewelry, clothes, whatever. I'm pretty guilty of it, but it's sort of different now. I'm not doing it to flaunt it, I'm doing it because I like having a piece of him with me. It's something that's more important to me now that he's leaving.
I never saw this coming. I never saw this bright eyed boy who liked being barefoot and having long hair joining the army. What the hell, right? I've known him for so long it was so unexpected.
So much reminds me of him and when I first met him. We mostly made out a lot, and there was always music playing, so I have a lot of memories attached to songs. We both really liked Linkin Park and to this day I can't listen to Meteora without thinking of him.

I'm going to miss him so so much it's retarded, but something has been telling me if I wait this out it'll all be worth it. It won't suck as much as when we broke up for that while, because this time we'll be in touch and I know he's coming back. I'm actually kind of excited to write letters. It's romantic. Everything we've been through since we've met has been necessary to help us realize how well we go together. Even the shitty stuff. So this is just one more thing to overcome and bring us closer together.

I'm doing my best to write down anything positive I feel, because I'll have some dark days, too. No doubt. But as long as I can look forward to all the days he comes home and the next chapter after all that, I'll have hope. Without further ado, here are some memories in the form of songs.

So I have a few confessions to make. I did still like Michael all through high school. I hid it from myself though, but occasionally I'd catch something weird. I put his picture on my ipod to that song "Anytime" up there, which sort of implies moving on but welcoming a previous love back whenever they want. Then there was this moment Junior year, (weird that I remember it so well) outside at lunch. I was looking at him and thinking about him in ways I hadn't in a few years. Just as quickly I shook it off. Somehow making friends with all of his girlfriends was weird, too. It wasn't intentional, it just sort of happened.

It's been a weird dramatic journey, but there are still a lot of times I wish I could relive. I miss his old house, I miss the big gatherings, many of which I wasn't around for because we lost touch for a while. I miss things being simpler but it's amazing how they've changed and I'm glad it's all happened this way.

So that's it for me being gross for a while. Thanks for enduring it :)