Stories via Instagram Photos

(From top right to bottom right):
Watched our neighbors get searched and busted by the state police from the narcotics division. They're still outside right now.
I'm trying to eat healthier and replace some of the junk in my diet, so this morning before my work out I had a grapefruit, turkey bacon and a fiber one bar.
Michael's bruise from his shots over a week ago, we thought it was a blood clot; he jumped through a ton of hoops to go to sick call only to be told it's normal.
Been hanging out with this lady and her husband the last few weekends. They just got orders for Korea; she's moving close to family instead.
Day 34 of P90X, today was day 36. I'm done with week 5!
Ramses new toy. She ripped the ball off and plays fetch with it.

Day 30: Confessions

My first confession is when I thought of the word "confessions" the first thing that popped into my head was this song:

   And then I watched the JennaMarbles video of this week and realized I had similar problems.     Before I even eat breakfast I'm on the computer or checking something like Instagram on my IPod. In the words of Jenna, what the fuck is my life about? Sometimes I'm starving and I know I'm starving but it's really difficult to get my ass away from technology.
   And I check stuff that doesn't even belong to me, not in a stalking way anymore, more of an I'm-so-fucking-bored-please-have-something-for-me-to-read-or-look-at way. Several times a day. It's excessive and unnecessary. And I always get frustrated that people don't put things up on the internet as fast as I want them to. I have problems, clearly.
   I think it links to the fact that I'm fucking miserable here. Everything here makes me miserable and some days I don't have the enthusiasm to do any of the things I like or want to do. Some days the most exciting thing I do is leave the house to get Taco Bell with Michael on his lunch break. Some days I don't even leave the house at all. And yeah, I tried the job thing and hated it, and yes, I feel useless and ashamed that I don't have a job anymore, only because I feel like there are people out there waiting for another reason to say I'm not good enough. And because I'd really like to be able to buy things for myself but only because I have some sort of void to fill being this far away from home.
   Well damn I didn't even know I'd write some of that.
   This has been the most unproductive year of my life. It's been like one big long summer break where all my friends are out of town so I sit around watching episode after episode of shows like F.r.i.e.n.d.s and feeling sorry for myself. But really, there is so little to do around here. This town is missing the stupidest things that could improve it. And whatever it does have has terrible service and incompetent people working it.
   Most days I just think to myself "what's the point?" you know? I know it's terrible and pathetic but this is such a strange time of my life. I could've done this and I could've done that, sure, but all of the sudden the clock is ticking and we're getting our projections in the next few weeks. This is what I've been waiting for this entire time. And I am freaking out.
   I didn't/couldn't go to the Supai trip this summer I'd been looking forward to for three years because my best friend couldn't go, all of Michael's friends bailed, and Michael himself couldn't go because the army gave him two days off, and one day on before the weekend, making leaving impossible. Now everyone is back from the trip and talking about it and I don't want to hear any of it because it makes me really depressed. I don't even want to talk about going next year in case something happens and we don't go then.
  I'm back in this mindset where I'm so negative about everything but secretly hoping for good things just so I'll be very pleasantly surprised. I had a dream Michael got sent to Korea and when I woke up he said three guys got the news that that's where they were being sent and I cried because I don't think I want to go, it's too far, but I don't want Michael to go either.
   I just want to go home and have a normal life like everyone else my age. Go to college, rent a place, go out at night with friends and be happy. I hate that I can't just be happy with what I have, something is always missing that I want. But I think family around me isn't an entirely selfish want.
   It's nice to get all that off my chest. I have to go eat now, before I forget. 
  

View Spam? :(

In the last day and a half Blogspot claims that my pageviews have skyrocketed, which is cool but also kind of unusual. There's also a difference between pageviews and the number of people who look at my blog.

This is what doesn't make sense. There's that stumbleupon link that leads me to a spam website, and a lot of views on my most recent post but no views on the videos I talk about. But the views just keep coming, so I guess my url leaked somewhere and a spam bot is just poking my blog to up the views. I disabled tracking my own views a long time ago.

Here's the graph from a tracking site I'm signed up for. It says yesterday I had seven legitimate visitors and some of them went through different pages; still 29 views is a lot. But it contradicts blogger stats for today, saying that only one person has been here and gone through 2 pages.
I'm so confused! Why is my blog being spammed with fake views? That's not cool :(

Fixed Videos!

I went and got a Vimeo account today (as if I needed something else to keep track of in my collection of social networking accounts) in order to put up the video of my dogs, and realized I should also fix some videos I put up in the past.
This includes my dogs reacting to noises and hanging out with Stewie in AZ. I noticed when I went back and tried to play them to reminisce they were "currently unavailable" according to Google video or whatever it is that plays videos when uploaded straight to Blogger.
They look much nicer in Vimeo format anyway, and now there's no disappointment when people hit play.

A Dose Of Corgi: Cat Toy Madness

We originally bought this for Ramses but the dogs just go nuts over it! Toki gets so excited when she jumps she flops right onto her back like a dork. Or scratches my leg so hard it bleeds. Either one.

Day 29: The Future

   Most things I've seen relating to time travel warn against looking into the future or messing with the past. You might ruin it for yourself. Everyone has probably wanted to be able to see their future at one point in time. If you think you don't then I say you're a liar. If you had the chance to look from an invisible third person perspective into your future, would you really pass it up?
   I don't think I could. I'd try, but it would be extremely tempting.
If I had the choice I'd want to see what the next few years are going to be like, even just the highlights. If I had to pick a specific time, I'd say four years from now when Michael's contract is up.
   I hope to see that we've done well for ourselves. Hopefully I'll have a career started by then after a lot of school. I hope to see us moving back to Arizona or somewhere close to it like California. Maybe by then we won't be quite so terrified to start a family, but my sister in law says we're not allowed to have babies before her and her husband. Hey, fine with me.
   Of course there are things I hope I don't see, but I think anyone could guess. I dread deployments, separation, having to move further away from home, and not accomplishing what I want to in life because things keep getting in the way. That much is obvious.
   It's easy to hope for things but life never seems to turn out the way you want it to. I can only wish for strength to get through any difficulties ahead and happiness after the storms pass. Things have a way of working out the way they're meant to.
   On that note, Michael should be getting his projections (our next location) by the end of this month or the first part of August. I feel like I've been holding my breath for this news since I got here because I'm a planner, and I married into something that does not cater to planners. I've wanted to know this entire time what the next step is to prepare myself but we still don't know yet. Oklahoma has really sucked but I can feel myself getting used to it. We haven't even gone to Oklahoma City to explore yet. I'm sure that as soon as we start to branch out we'll get the news, and in September we'll be packing.
     All the couples have been talking about it more and more so it's kind of all I can think about. It's all I can do to distract myself. I don't pray often because I don't necessarily believe in that sort of thing but I find myself praying for Texas so we can be a weekend road trip away from home so I feel less crazy and alone. If Michael gets sent to Korea I'll be pretty upset. On one hand, it's an insanely rare opportunity. On the other, it's very likely I won't come back to the states at all for two years. If I move back to Arizona for a while, I'll again be separated from my now husband. Both of those sound like mixed blessings.
   I just don't know what's going to happen, and I wish I did. But like I said, whatever happens will work out for the best, and I'm sure it'll all come together the way it's supposed to.

Day 28; AKA Flashback Friday

This is where I should be right now :(

I'll finish this homemade challenge eventually, and then I'll wanna do another one...
Day 28 is about reliving a few months in whatever part of my life I liked the best, which is hands down the summer of 2009. Oh man. So worth it. It was when Michael and I first got together. We went on late night walks, hikes, our friends had theme parties, we went to Supai (which is where I would be right now if it weren't for the goddamn army) and it was just the best time ever.
I had to dig around my myspace account because a lot of photos were lost when my laptop died, but here are some favorites:

Ugh I miss Peavine Trail and the dells so much.

 

I miss Mikey being able to have longer hair.

Cross dressing FTW

Waterfalls, hammocks, tents <3

In the bug that took us everywhere; miss his gauges.

I miss the freedom of that summer! It was so wonderful. I really hope we can have something like this again when Michael gets out of the army, or hopefully we'll get stationed closer to home, or he can take leave and we can go on a real vacation. I'm going crazy here and all these delicious fun memories are all I can think about.