More Alphabet Challenge: Sensitive Topics

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? I think it's safe to answer this with a strong no.
67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? In certain circumstances, it happens. But I think it can really complicate things. I'm not for it.
68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that?

Okay. Here's the thing. I'm officially removing this word from my vocabulary. A person's sexual choices are really nobody's business in the first place. I've learned a lot from LaciGreen about this topic, so I suggest you all take a look too, and rethink what you decide to call people.

69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? I would actually take more risks. Maybe differently than I did before.
70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both! Then I suppose naughty.

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? Sometimes I open up too soon and people don't know what to do with what I tell them. So often it takes a while. I never know.
72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? A lot. I don't trust easily. I can't say there's one specific thing but I know the moment I can or can't officially trust a person.
73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? Bad experiences, learning from others, and that's basically it. I've been screwed over a lot.
74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? Honestly I've only been that comfortable with one person. Thankfully I married him. Past experiences have been awkward to really terrible.
75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? I tell certain people certain things. But most of the time if they're close to me I tell them whatever.

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? If so, would you rather erase the memory of that person because of

the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times?
I wouldn't erase anything. It would probably change me somehow because every negative person has still taught me something. 
77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? Oh yes. Better to know what it's like than not.
78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? I've been a pessimist for a long time now. I try to be optimistic, but usually it ends up being right before a big let down. It's easier to just expect bad things. When good things happen it's a relief.
79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? To an extent, yes. Maybe not for a while, or till you really think about it looking back, but there's usually something good.
80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was:
When Michael decided to join the military. To me, it was awful. But through letters and phone calls we took our relationship somewhere it had never been. The military thing is still pretty awful, but we'll get through it, that's the good thing.

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? I try a few times to do it myself. But I'm not afraid to ask for help.
82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? All the time. Was it an accident? Is someone watching us? Does an individuals life matter as much as humanity on a whole? Is our purpose in life really just to "live it" or what? So many questions.
83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? No. I really don't. I'd bet billions of dollars there's tons of things that have been hidden from the public. Assuming the president would have to tell the truth I'd ask him if aliens exist and what kind of activity the government has seen that we haven't.
84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? Depending on the scale I've been wronged, and how mad I am about it, I get confrontational. I'm not afraid to go to someone and say "what the fuck, man?"
85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? Who else is in the universe? When are we going to evolve enough to come together with them?

The Exercise Diaries

Those shorts are fitting a lot better than when I started, that's for sure.

  Another update, yes, mostly because lately I've been feeling really good about my progress, like I'm getting closer to my goal. I took my measurements after working out tonight, which is something I've only done three or four times in the six+ months I've been working out. I didn't want to obsess over it; and thank god I don't own a scale. It's hard to keep the "muscle weighs more than fat" mantra going when I know what numbers I want to see and I don't see them.
  Anyway, just since November I've lost where I want and gained muscle where it counts! I've kicked myself into high gear. Things started feeling too easy and I knew I needed to raise the bar to keep challenging myself. Since my last update I got my wish and got an elliptical for Christmas and that's been a huge part of my workouts. If I don't pair workouts with cardio I hop on the elliptical, pump up the resistance and go for at least half an hour. The other day I switched to a thicker resistance band. It made things considerably tougher and I should've done it a week or two ago. I also have integrated a routine I was having trouble with and will now be doing it weekly. To top it off, I forced myself to only have one rest day.

  My incentive has been the possibility of a vacation in the paradise that is the Havasupai reservation in the grand canyon. It'll be four years that I haven't been and I can't even believe it. It's a 12 mile hike in and out, and I hiked an average of five miles a day for the five days we were there. Almost fifty miles in less than a week! I remember coming back with gnarly calf muscles and scars from wearing in my boots. I absolutely want to be in shape, not only for all the hiking, but so I feel confident walking around half naked all the time, as is the way of being in a canyon in the summer. I knew I wanted to achieve my goal around my birthday (or the one year mark of when I started) but now I have an even more enticing reason to get into the best shape of my life.

Chalene Johnson

     In the end, I think I'll have Turbo Fire to thank. Tony Horton was the gentle dad that encouraged me to get started and teach me how to stay on track, but Chalene Johnson has been the crazy peppy mom that's determined to kick my ass with a smile on her face. They're like my workout parents. I haven't followed the class schedule I got with TF, but rather put together my own workout according to what I want, which is really easy to do and I'm sure I'm not the only one who does it. Once you get over the initial silliness of the aerobics class with an especially enthusiastic teacher it really gets the job done and using it has been the best decision I've made for myself in terms of fitness. I wish I'd found it sooner.
  I know I sound like an advertisement, but I really couldn't have done it by myself. I never really thought I'd be a workout video person (used to roll my eyes at my mom a little when she did it) but now I pretty much swear by it. As long as you push yourself and listen to what she tells you, the rest works itself out. I've gotten addicted to the workouts.
  Lastly I find myself pumped because today a new friend asked for my help getting in shape! I recommended Turbo Fire and she's coming over to try and workout with me and I'm going to help her figure out how to get started. I feel really giddy about it and suddenly am seriously considering becoming a fitness coach of some kind. It may take some time, but it's a possibility.
  There's no way in hell I'd quit at this point because I'm so excited to see where I'll be in a few months. I've turned the corner from maybe I can do this to hey I can definitely do this and it's pretty great.

Boredom+Alcohol=This

Everything happens for a reason, right? Yes, I believe so. I didn't initially, for the first part of my life, but looking back I can always come up with reasons why something happened, even if it was negative, because it's lead me to where I am now.
Does it make you mad when people stare at you? 
I think it's weird. It makes me nervous and giggle at the same time.
If you had $250,000, what would you do with it?
Put a bunch in savings, get a new car, invest.
What makes you laugh?
Celebrities being awkward, clever people on youtube.
Are you jealous of anyone right now? 
Not really. Everyone's having babies and doing things I would never do.
When was the last time you saw your grandpa? 
October.
Do you drink tea?
Definitely.
Would you rather have long or short hair?
This is a simple question but it actually stumps me. I kept my hair short all through high school, then grew it out at all costs. Now I want my short hair back but I know I'll miss my long hair.
What’s your favorite season of the year? 
Winter or spring.
Do you miss anyone? 
Everyone. Even people I don't like that much.
Has anyone upset you in the last week?
I get annoyed at my husband sometimes. Never lasts more than a few hours. In this case it wasn't even half an hour.
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? 
Maybe like my mom or something haha
What time did you get up this morning and why? 
My sleep schedule has been terrible lately. I went to bed at 4 and woke up at noon-thirty.
What was so special about today? 
It was my husbands birthday! It was a pretty regular day though. I felt bad. But our best friends are supposed to be visiting fairly soon so that'll cheer us up.
What are you looking forward to? 
This summer might actually be amazing. I really hope so.
Do you miss your past? 
I think about it all the time, and there are some days I would relive, for sure. But I wouldn't do it all over again.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? 
Ugh yes. When I just don't even know why I'm alive. Those days.
Think back to this time last year, were you happy? 
I'd just moved to Oklahoma and I didn't know what was gonna happen. I can't believe it's been a year.
Have you ever thrown your iPod in anger? 
I've thrown plenty of technology items in anger.
Does it annoy you when people play dumb? 
If I know they're lying it infuriates me.
Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word? 
It depends. Used to be three words bothered me a lot: "I don't know."
Are you keeping a big secret right now? 
Nope! I promise I'm not secretly pregnant or like having an affair or anything scandalous like that. Sorry to disappoint. I'm boring.
Can you dry swallow pills? 
Yes. My husband thinks I'm a freak.

Do you know anyone who has been in jail?
Yeah. I hung out with strange people in high school.
Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Idgaf.
Are you easily amused?
Lately I've been noticing a lot of people find simple stupid things funny that I absolutely do not. So it's hard to say.
What was the last thing you bought?
A few things from the mall; scented candles, a sweater, a few things for Mikey, shoes, games.
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name starts with a J?
Yes. I hope he's doing alright. I just want him to be happy.
When you’re angry, do you take it out on everyone else? 
That tends to be the main reason people think I'm a bitch. I'm unhappy all the time and stop caring how I sound or how my actions are interpreted. So it seems like I don't care but really I just want someone to stop and listen to me.
Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
Most definitely. Terrible thoughts.
Would you ever be a stripper?
I might be a dancer but I don't think I could do the full on nakedness.
What’s one thing that really pisses you off?
People who try to act completely different from who they are, lie to everyone and just generally manipulate people. I've run into several of those.
What is the last thing you purchased online?
Buffy The Vampire Slayer DVD set. Should be here in a day or two.
Do you hate being the first person to start a conversation?
Yes. Especially if I don't know someone. I get all flustered when spoken to first but I'm so terrified of people initial interaction is like painful.
What’s on your mind right now?
I wish friends were here, familiar people.
Who do you go to for advice the most?
My best friend. I don't even ask things, I just complain and she tells me what she thinks. It works.
What is your current mood?
Buzzed, kinda anxious. Bored, obviously.
Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Exercise.
How old will you be on your next birthday?
22, five months from Jan. 7th. Pretty weird.
Things you want to say to an ex:

I'm always thinking about you; not in a romantic way, just genuinely hoping you're happy and your life is good. 

Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided seeing them?

Jesus yes. To avoid painfully awkward interactions or death stares. 

What gets you most motivated to workout? 

Looking at the fitspo tag on Tumblr, and seeing other peoples progress. It reminds me that I'm completely capable and I can do it any time. 

Favorite thing about working out? 

Sweating a whole lot, then taking a shower and feeling naturally high and successful. So refreshing. 

What was the last book you read? 

A Buffy The Vampire Slayer omnibus of Season 8 Part 1. Before that, Warm Bodies I think.   
More Alphabet Challenge:

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends?
All of the above. I think it should all be balanced. 
52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average?
Smart. 
53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever?
Above a 100%, from extra credit. 
54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher?
I usually average about a 3.0-3.5
55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)?
Psychology. 

L – Love

       56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before?
        This is a fact. 
       57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)?
        Yes, thankfully my husband is always telling me he loves me, hugging me and saying I'm pretty. Lucky me. 
       58. Is love worth it?
        Well that depends on the definition of "it." I guess it's worth going through heartbreaks to find the right kind of love. You don't recognize the good without experiencing bad. It's worth that. 
       59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months?
       ...I try not to, because I remember when I said I was in love when it turned out terribly, and even if I lied to myself I wanted to believe in love, and I think young girls who say they're in love want to believe it too. But sometimes it's easy to see that the situation they're in isn't love, but you can't tell them that. They have to learn it for themselves. 
 

Belated New Years Post

 

 So about that Christmas...we had a very lovely one just the two of us. Snow, presents, hookah, chai, watching The Polar Express...Again, strange not to have family around but we called a few of them and Skyped with some and it wasn't too bad. We got some very generous gifts from our family, and a few have been arriving late, so it's as if the holiday continues.
  Since moving and increasing my exercise I haven't been nearly as depressed as I was a few months ago. 2012 was probably the strangest loneliest year I've ever had, full of disappointments and bad news, and I'm glad to be rid of it. Now I can tell myself, that was last year, this year will most definitely be different. Because it will! This year brings even more change. But last year wasn't all bad, I:
♥Quit smoking!
♥Dedicated myself to working out and changing my diet!
♥Learned how to cook more things!
♥Took care of our new pets!
♥Felt like a great wife!
...and those are all good things. I felt like I didn't accomplish anything but I did. My goals this year are:
♥Continue to exercise; be at my goal size by my birthday!
♥Not getting pregnant (because of so many reasons, it's still not time)
♥Not picking up smoking again when Michael deploys and I'm stressed out
♥Getting a job
♥Enrolling in school
♥Not caring so much about what people I know think of me at this time in my life
♥Staying positive

  I feel like these are all attainable realistic goals. I'm a little nervous for all the changes towards the end of this year, but I have time to mentally prepare. Michael's leave restriction is up in May and we may actually be able to not only go home for several weeks but there may really be a Supai trip in store for us right around my birthday! Best gift ever. So here's hoping. More motivation for me to be in amazing shape by then. I'm so ready!

Life via Instagram

This update is brought to you by our new router and faster internet.

 Well Mayans, so much for the end of the world. It's been a quiet apocalypse; I don't know about you but it's been an average day. I picked up some stocking stuffers for Michael, he wrapped my presents, and we've been bumming around in our usual routine. I have to admit I was sort of expecting something, if only some rare cosmic event that was non-threatening but had been misinterpreted by the Mayans. I guess they just got lazy and figured 2012 was just so far away they need not continue. Makes sense.
 We finally found a new house to move into, and so last weekend and up until at least Monday or so was a blur of running around town and in between houses. Being our first move with no help, we weren't terribly organized. There are things we could've done differently. But we managed to get out of our old house in the time we were given.

Honestly after over a month of driving by house after house all over town, we found this one just over a mile away from our old place. It seems almost silly how close it is. But so far the neighborhood is so much quieter, and its so much cozier, not to mention more private. I've gotten used to it pretty damn fast. I'd put up pictures of the inside, but as you can imagine it's still an absolute mess, but we're getting it together day by day.

Being silly on the new equipment/pants that finally fit/Christmas ornaments/Anniversary dessert

  In the midst of moving we picked up a basically brand new elliptical from a military family that wasn't using it. I've used it almost every day this week and it's fantastic. Other than about two or three days (spent lifting heavy things back and forth for a few hours) I've kept up my workout schedule, and shortly discovered old clothes that haven't fit me in months finally do. It makes me want to work harder, and with the addition of the elliptical there's absolutely no room for excuses.
  One of the first things I did was unpack our small tree and some rope lights. I found some Christmas-y smelling candles, cinnamon scented pine cones at a craft store and immediately felt more in the spirit. We decorated with ornaments sent from Michael's sister and my parents, including the two new ornaments we picked out this year.

  On top of that, we celebrated our first wedding anniversary! It's been a year of really learning how to be a married couple, with the added military aspect. With the amount of time we've spent together you'd think we'd fight more or find regrets, but I can honestly say that any fights have been momentary misunderstandings and there are no regrets in sight. It's been a really good year for us. All of this moving and settling in to a new house has allowed me to put aside a lot of homesickness and allow me to focus on my time with Michael; seeing as he leaves next fall it's pretty important. We celebrated by driving to a nearby city to have some delicious sushi (there are no sushi restaurants in Lawton) and going out of our way to do a few things we don't normally do. I'm enjoying all of this us time a lot. Next year I'll get lots of time in Arizona to hopefully make up for some lost time here with friends.

  We had a momentary scare when we got the sudden news that part of Michael's unit deploys a lot sooner than he was told. Like, in the next two months. It would seem that thanks to the detail he's on and a few other small factors he's excluded. I thought, how much would that suck, we move to a new place, get all cozy and then he'd have to go all of the sudden! There's always something reminding me of our situation, and not to take anything for granted. I suppose it's a good thing in the long run. I hate every aspect of being in a military relationship except for the fact that miraculously it's brought us closer together than I could've ever hoped. It's a bond I know will last for a really long time.

 So happy holidays to all; love the ones you're with and make the best of it. 

An Annoyance; Plus More Alphabet Challenge

  I'm the kind of person who likes to look back at past entries, re-reading things, editing spelling errors, maybe just reflecting on what I wrote, and I noticed there were links where I didn't put any.
  Apparently now the internet is free to put ads into the things I write.
  There is no part of this that is okay. It greatly diminishes the quality of my blog with a tinge of annoying mindless trash that I can't figure out how to get rid of. I don't know how this is allowed, taking specific trigger words and linking them to spam, and if anyone knows how to fix it I'd like to know ASAP.
  I could go on a whole rant about how invasive media is now, and that advertisements seem to be geared towards those of lesser and lesser intelligence, but I won't.
  Nope.
        I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness?
Pretty much. As long as I can remember. I'm not really sure why. I suppose there are a lot of reasons. 
42. Do you have any type of disease or disability?
Just a crippling inability to interact with 80% of people. 
43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex?
Nope, thankfully no more relationship trouble for me. 
44. Do you think that you are alone in this world?
I think when it comes down to it all things are temporary but yourself, yes. But you can't treat people that way. 
45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away?
Way too often. 

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke)
I'll stop doing it when you stop laughing. 
47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh,Or the other way around?
There are certain people I meet that I just end up making laugh a lot. I don't know what it is, but I like it. But the ones closest to me make me laugh more. 
48. Do you cry when you laugh hard?
Definitely. 
49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day.
I have trouble remembering things like that. A lot of funny moments tend to be me laughing at other peoples funny moments. They usually have something to do with Michael and his friends. 
50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class?
It depends on whether or not I have friends in that class. I have in the past, yes.  

And now examples of my friends' antics.

That time Chris and Tony handcuffed themselves together for a whole day.

Feeling left out and creating an invisible table.

Bri and DP posing for a strange cleaning/pizza photo shoot.

This photo speaks for itself.

Exercise Progress

June 2012-December 2012

  It's now been over six months since I started getting down to business and whipping myself into shape. I certainly didn't stop after P90X, though my routine changed and I took a break in October when we visited home and everything about our life was up in the air.
  I had to ease in to Turbofire. Even after P90X Lean, which focuses on more cardio than strength training, I was still pretty out of shape. There was so much movement; fast paced routines and occasionally getting both feet off the ground, something I still struggle with now. I had to stick to one or two classes and get used to them. Once I did, I pumped it up a notch and added longer classes. Now I'm starting to do two classes in a day.

Here's an example of an average week:
Day 1: Turbofire, Fire 45 Class
Day 2: P90X Shoulders & Arms, Turbofire HIIT 15 Class
Day 3: Turbofire Abs 10, exercise trampoline for 20 minutes
Day 4: Rest
Day 5: Turbofire Tone 30 Class
Day 6: Turbofire Fire 45 Class, Stretch 10
Day 7: Rest

  I do tend to have two rest days, but I change it up all the time. I try to have two days of strength training, two or more days of abs, and a ton of cardio. I've started adding on cardio to my strength training days. It's kind of crazy when I think about what I could do even just a month or so ago versus what I can do now. I'd practically drop dead after a Turbofire workout, but now I'm ready for more.

This might be the biggest my biceps have ever been.

  My problem is I still have trouble with what I eat. Not that I'm stuffing my face with nasty things all the time; I still consciously make healthy choices. But I have a snacking problem, and I love food. I get cravings, and I give in to them. It's probably why I'm not at my goal weight yet. But I'm only on my second official month of my own routine, and with all the extra stuff I'm doing I'm hoping to make up for any crap I eat. Maybe I can work my way up to only having one rest day instead of two.

    I have a lot of days when I feel like I've gotten nowhere because I still can't wear that pair of pants I want to wear. But pictures say otherwise, and I still have other clothing that's fitting me better all the time. I still have that belly pooch, and some love handles, and I'd really like my thighs to be smaller, but then I realize I'm being picky. I'm still working on it, and I have made progress. My torso seems longer, shirts pull down lower, and my legs seem longer too.
   Bit by bit I'm getting back to where I'd like to be, where I'm more comfortable with myself. I think my goal for next year will be to get back to a size 7 and maintain that. I'd like to get an elliptical, and keep working out regularly. When Michael deploys, I'll be moving back to the land of the sun, where I can probably swim and without Michael I tend to eat much differently.
  On a more irrelevant note I'll also be chopping off most of my hair. After years of wanting super long pretty hair, and finally having it, I think the affair has about come to a close. I find myself mostly annoyed; it's heavy, hard to clean and gets in the way all the time. Every person who has ever touched my hair knows it's unusually thick as well. When I get a little closer to my goal weight, I'll be cutting off nearly twelve inches.
  So that's that! Still working hard and felt like telling; I can always write down positive things when I check in and it's good for me. After kind of hating and dreading it, I've started to really look forward to working out. If you're looking to improve yourself in multiple ways, P90X and Turbofire are the way to go!