P90X: Week 7!

I switched around my rest day this week, so today I did Kenpo! Watch the above video to see what kind of moves it involves. Kenpo does not teach you how to fight; it's a cardio workout. It's not a martial arts class. It's all about burning calories.
Honestly by this point I thought I'd be slacking and behind already, but I'm not! There were a few times this week, due to the fact that I didn't feel too great, that I sat around procrastinating my workout. But I always got it done!

It's finally starting to get a little more obvious that I'm making progress, at least to me. Yet again, I'm still bummed out that I let myself go this far, and gave myself so much work to do, but I'm finally getting somewhere after over a month.
My clothes are noticeably looser. It's obvious what I stretched out. Everything is starting to tighten in just enough to make me feel better in the morning. I have more muscle and stamina.
I've gone almost entirely back to the way I was eating last summer that helped me lose weight. Smoothies, almonds, healthy cereal, tons of water, granola bars, apples, and now turkey bacon instead of our usual thick flavored pork bacon. I can't deny having cheat moments and bending to cravings of not so healthy things, but overall I'd say I'm doing pretty good.
Tomorrow is day 50, and day 60 is the next big check in for progress. I've realized I'll probably not be where I want to when it's over, but I've already promised myself I'd just keep doing a different kind of P90X. I always tally my days on our whiteboard calendar, and for some reason that always makes me feel accomplishment. I earned the right to say I made it another day.

Blank

  I want to write something I just don't know what; I'm here anyway. My last blog challenge is long over, and I didn't want to post another stupid survey since that was two entries ago. All I really have today is more complaints, which is lame.
  It's days like this I feel like deleting or just giving up on my frequented social accounts. I should be doing something better with my time but I'm not.
  I want to write a book, I want to perfect the art of drawing on my tablet, I want to know how to use Photoshop for more than just .gifs other people have probably already made, I want to ride a bike to a body of water and sit there with a drink and just stop caring. But everything is easier said than done.
  I feel anything but at home here.
  I miss Arizona; I want to do all the things I hardly ever did there. I want to go on a hike but not here. I miss the dells. Sometimes I think I'm still there and I'm just being a hermit for no reason, but then I look out the window and I remember.
  This change has been really really terrifying and I want to get used to it and be happy but it's just not happening. I've given up on Oklahoma, my hearts not in it knowing I'm most likely leaving it in about three months.
  Michael reminded me that projections are just a really big probably. As in, you're probably going here, but hey, we might pull that out from under you at the last minute. This is not the life for me but I'm going through it because when you find that one person for you it's important to do what you can to show them you love them.
  This too shall pass, and all that stuff. Five years ago everything was completely different, and five years from now has the potential to be just as drastic. I hope I'm stronger then, I hope I'll have made progress.
  I wish could manage this blog better, but I don't have a super expensive camera and I don't do "Movie Mondays" or "Things I Love Thursdays." Even if it looks nicer than it used to, it's still just another under-the-radar journal and you'd probably rather read something else, something with a brighter attitude and more appealing aesthetics, something that makes more sense.

Intruders

  Last night we came home after a night out, and were just minding our own business in our house when our neighbor knocked to tell us he saw our dogs run out of the back yard. Neither one of them have gotten out since we put zip ties all around the gaps and filled the holes. Turns out, our back gate was wide open. The zip ties had been cut.
  The back gate seemed untouched. Did they decide to climb over it? Why bother cutting the zip ties? I am so creeped out by the fact that someone did this. If it was harmless, and they were cutting through to get to the back alley for whatever reason, I feel like they wouldn't have stopped to take the time to sever the zip ties. Seriously, why?
  I don't like this neighborhood. It seemed harmless enough when we got here, and cops show up when needed every so often which means they're pretty good at their job. But the people here don't seem to have any sense of boundaries or personal space.
  The first time my army wife neighbor and I noticed this was when an old man carrying a box of junk cut across our driveway, a few feet away from our window, and through my neighbors rose bush. And more than once someone has knocked on our door or shouted at us if they can cut our lawn. We have a lawnmower, we're perfectly capable.
  Next was when I got a knock on the door, alone in the house, and was greeted by a rail of a guy who wanted to know how much I would take to sell my car. He had parked his (or a friends) p.o.s of a car, peeling paint included, right behind mine in our driveway. My car has gotten me to and from a lot of places. It's very reliable and I've had little trouble with it. Not to mention it's our only mode of transportation. I said, do you see a for sale sign on it?! He kept pestering me until I had to tell him to leave.
  After that I was again home alone, in the middle of doing yoga, when another stranger knocked. I opened the door to an older man with a gut and a stained white shirt that said "worlds greatest grandpa." The first thing he said was "Is your dad home?" After I gave him an unabashedly rude look he corrected himself "...or husband?" He asked if we were the owners of "the two little dogs." I thought he was going to tell me something terrible, like one of them got out and he hit it with his car. He beat around the bush until finally asking if we wanted dog kennels. Do I look like I don't provide for my dogs? I felt kind of insulted, and sent him away too.
  I feel so....watched here. People looking at my car, my lawn, my dogs, my yard. No one seems to know what Private Property means. In Arizona we had the occasional friendly chat across the street or over the fence after we decided they were approachable. Sometimes we got people looking for dogs, or selling something, but it never seemed creepy. I guess I just always felt safe there. Nobody ever hopped our fences like they own the place because they needed a short cut, or scoped out our cars.
  I just want to get out of here. The longer we're here the drearier it seems and the more I hate it. We'll know this week or next week where we're being sent. I really really hope it's Ft Bliss, Texas and nothing else.
  

Things You Didn't Know (And Probably Didn't Need To)

I'm such a sucker for these stupid questionnaire things. They just come in handy when I'm as bored as I am. However, I'm looking at several surveys and taking questions I actually want to answer and posting them here.
1. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes, I believe so, but it was a long time ago. Freshmen year of high school I was busy doing all kinds of stupid stuff I shouldn't, and I know I crawled through a window for one sneaky reason or another.
2. What is your guilty pleasure? Girly movies and bad tv shows. For example, I'm all caught up on Teen Wolf and yesterday I watched Aquamarine and Princess Diaries.
3. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? I think so, actually. When Michael and I got back together in 2010 we stayed up all night talking, went to breakfast, and I was too happy to sleep all day.
4. When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex? Well we didn't exactly officially date but the last time I talked to him was two years ago. The other big ex, three years ago. I'm kind of sad about that actually. I'd just like to know they're doing well.
5. Do you think you're a good person? Overall yes. I mean I've made some selfish decisions in the past and been a complete idiot, but I usually try to make things right and apologize. I like to think I have strong morals, too.
6. Have you ever been so drunk you blacked out? Once. It was funny hearing about the things I did at first, but then I realized how horrible it was and how lucky I was that I was safe that night. And I was pretty close to blacking out a few weeks ago at this couples apartment. I tried to hit an army officer. And I definitely took some clothes off.
7. What would you name your future daughter? This is terrible, but I don't really want girls. Saying that, it'll probably happen anyway. Michael likes the name Katarina and I like the name Amelia, but who knows.
8. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Pff, definitely. In 2009 that's all I heard, stupid made up rumors about me. All because of jealousy.
9. Have you changed much this year? Not in a huge way. I appreciate certain things and people more now that I'm not around them, and I'm trying really hard to get in shape and like myself more. But I don't know.
10. Does the future scare you? A little bit, yeah, just because I have no idea how it's going to go. Eventually maybe I'll stop being so scared and live a little more.
11. Would you ever shave your head for someone you love? If someone close to me got cancer and asked me to be bald with them I think I'd do it. I might buy a wig or two to wear once in a while but hey, it's just hair.
12. What would you do if you opened up your front door to see a dead body outside? Call the police, maybe go look at it and then completely freak. Call Michael. Start packing early just to feel better that we're moving anyway.
13. Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names: It's never too late to talk if you want to.
14. What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Now?? Oh my god I'd freak. I'd have to really think about what I would do. I have so many things I want to do before then. I don't want to be another young pregnant army wife with no career, as offensive as that sounds. It's just not me.
15. The most difficult thing to do is: let someone you love go and move on.

Fetch!

We got a scratching post for Ramses the other day, and it originally had a ball on a springy string attached to it. She took care of that pretty quickly. But rather than be angry I discovered something: if I threw the ball she brought it back to me. Eventually, but most of the time pretty quickly.
I'm so entertained by this. At night before bed she'll do it for a good fifteen minutes before she gets tired. And even if I throw it and go to a different room, she'll be there, with the ball in her mouth. This morning I wasn't paying attention, so she jumped into my lap, dropped the ball, and pawed me with a little meow.
My dogs don't even get this. She's just so smart. And so silly. 

Needy Cat

  It's been obvious from day one that Ramses, our cat, has a loving personality. But lately she's made it apparent to us it's hilariously more than loving; it's clingy, borderline needy. I've never had a cat with such personality, and I've had some silly cats in my past.
  When babies are very new and you leave the room, they decide if they can't see you you must be far away, maybe gone forever, so they cry. Ramses does the same thing. The first few times it happened I thought she'd hurt herself. It was that kind of a meowing.
  I know she's too small to jump up to her food, I've witnessed her fail. So now when I go to the kitchen she cries at me to lift her up. Michael said I was babying her too much until he noticed she really couldn't seem to get up there by herself.
  When we take showers, she seems to think we're drowning ourselves in another dimension. She cries as if again, we've disappeared. Yesterday I peeked out at her to let her know I was alive, and she sat in between the curtains on the edge of the tub until I was done.
  She doesn't seem to be happy unless we're babying her constantly, and it's so ridiculous. In a way I guess it's nice to have something around that needs me and makes me laugh. It takes some of the loneliness out of my days.

P90X: Week 5 Done.

This week was intense, but very encouraging. I'm feeling a lot stronger even after just one week of this routine and results are starting to show. I'm also really trying to cut back on some of the crap I eat, but still have a bad habit of eating the occasional Taco Bell and carb loaded pasta dishes. Still, drinking lots of water, eating more fruit, taking vitamins, and trying to make better choices at least once a day.
I get upset when I realize I've never been the size I'm trying to escape. It feels like it happened out of nowhere. I got depressed and lazy and I ate whatever and too much of it. But P90X is making me feel so much better day by day, and I really think I can do this. Once I finish the 90 days we'll most likely be in the middle of moving, but I'll be either doing the doubles routine or classic P90X after Lean.

I'm really still pretty far away from my goal. But I know I've gotten somewhere. I know it's bad to insult yourself but honestly sometimes if I don't I don't work as hard. I pushed myself this week, I even did some Just Dance on my Wii on Yoga day. I am so determined to make this next month count.
I feel stronger, more toned, and a lot more capable of doing the workouts. I did Kenpo this morning (I switched my rest day to yesterday) and I think I might even work out again later today.
I'm going to keep taking pictures because it's great to see results, even if it's small.